Oh God Honey, you are something else. I can't get you off my mind. I went back and read my journal of when we first met. Although I must have been in a hurry and my entries were quick and to the point, the memories that came flooding back weren't.
I remember what you wore on our first date. The hawaiian shirt (that's now hanging in my closet next to my Hawaiian shirt), your "steel" shorts. :) I remember me asking you if I could kiss you while we were standing next to the kitchen sink. I remember your couch was against a different wall and that's where we sat and talked for a long time! I can't believe I forgot about staying at --------. :) Don't ask how...haha. I remember driving all the way up the river after work just to see you at the ----. I remember ----- seeing me drive home the next morning...his double take...probably wondering what the hell is she doing driving down from ------ this early in the morning! I remember all the nights in the cabins along the river, not wanting to go to work the next day, but just wanting to stay with you instead. I remember our walk down to the river, skipping rocks. Mine made it across, but yours didn't...haha. I don't remember what we talked about, but it felt so right and easy and especially too short. Having to go back to the office and you to your helicopter. And remember it started raining on us and we had to run under the nearest trees, laughing like two kids so innocent and fun. Remember sitting in your helicopter on the lower landing while it was pouring rain? I never wanted that moment to end. They kept calling me on the radio and I never answered. I was in your world and having a hard time jumping back into reality. Finally, --- came and got me...a fire call...yeah, I knew but I was ignoring/turning down my first fire call in 10 years. I remember sneaking behind the fuel truck so --- could take our pictures, trying to remain professional, when all we wanted was to run away together. I remember hiking through 8 foot alder brush to the top of a ridge every morning just so I could get a signal, call you and hear your voice. Sometimes I didn't get through, but there was always a message from you. And you know what? I still have one of the first messages you ever left me...a message from the same fire I hiked to the top of the ridge...just to hear your voice. I've played that message a thousand times since that day. So fortunate I never erased it, but rather saved it because although you hadn't said you loved me yet, I heard it in your voice and I knew.....yeah, I knew.
Oh honey I could go on forever, but now the tears are coming and I can't go on. Oh boy, I love you, I loved you, so, so much. This is hard.
When people leave who have strong gifts that they give, we feel a hole and a vacuum.
ONE. (That means one love....like you're the only one....in case you never knew)
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