So Much Love For You

What a trying time honey. I am really trying hard to keep my head in the game. I look at your pictures often, I think of you all day, I imagine your hugs, kisses, your touch....just being next to you. I replay every moment we spent together....every move you made, every look you gave me, everything you said....what did I do, what did I say. I think about it all honey. It can be overwhelming at times, but sometimes I feel so strong, that I can overcome and I think about my future and while it doesn't include you there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And that light is hope. Hope for what, I don't know. Maybe someday to be a great coach at a college, maybe to become an RVP in ACN just for you and walk across that stage, maybe to be the mother to ----- that she never had, maybe to someday find someone new and have that kid I always wanted, and that house I always wanted to settle down in, maybe that garden we never got to grow, be the best wife I could be....I don't know, but I think it must be good that I can even think of a future. Even though it's hard now and I certainly never envisioned a future without you, all of it was you. You were my dream....we were going to cry as we were married...we couldn't even talk about it without crying, the union of our love being just that beautiful and sacred, we were going to gaze lovingly into each others eyes as we said our vows, we were going to love each other faithfully forever!, we were going to raise a family together, we were going to live in our very own house together on our very own land, we were going to grow old together, we were going to be one of those couples that still hugs and holds hands when they're 80. We were going to have it all. You were without a doubt one of a kind. I was so blessed to have you touch my heart and my soul. I have no doubt that you are/were part of Gods plan. How could someone so perfect enter my life and then leave so suddenly. You have opened doors for me, doors of faith, of love, of respect, of happiness, of laughter, of caring.....so many doors. You are/were an inspiration. In my mind you will NEVER be replicated. Never! But I will always have your memories and when/if I ever decide to be in another relationship I will know what the standard is. You set a standard...sometimes a standard I worry is too high, but if someone doesn't treat me like a queen, as you treated me, I will have no part of it. You showed me how a woman should be treated. No doubt. And it wasn't half the time, some of the time, most of the time, or when it was easy for you. It was all the time. That was just how you were. You treated me like a queen. I really do believe that God sent you to me. You were created by God no doubt, you were touched by him, he was living through you. No one could have ever experienced what I (hopefully you too) experienced. It was like nothing I've never seen or heard about. Sometimes you would see a love like ours in the movies....seeming almost too good to be true, but you know what, ours was better than the movies....better than too good to be true and it was real. That's why I know our love and relationship was nothing of this earth, it was something from above. It was divine, pure, heavenly. Like the song says "I'm the closest to Heaven that I'll ever be" How true was that during our short 2-3 yrs. together. Honey, I thank you and of course, God, for touching me. For letting me into your life, for blessing me with all of your love. You are without a doubt the best thing that ever came into my life. I miss you tremendously and I will keep praying that there is life after K-Dub. You have made this very hard, but I must keep believing that when you lose something good that only means something better is around the corner. I've never heard anyone say that, but I believe it. It has to be true....there is no doubt. The only part that's hard to believe is that there is something better than you out there. And if there's not, so be it, I have no problem living my life in your honor. In fact, it would be a privilege and a great honor, for you are truly one of a kind and an inspiration to me. I love you so much. More than words could ever say, words could never do you justice, nor what we shared. It's indescribable, but believe me when I say, if I could compare 'us' to something...it would have to be something out of this world, like Heaven. Finally, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you! This would all be easier if I didn't have such great memories and think of you all the time, but since you are on my mind all day from the moment I awake until the moment I close my eyes to sleep at night, I will always miss you. I will miss everything about you. Thank you for you. I love you so much it brings tears to my eyes.....it always did and it always will.