Seattle Storm

I thought it would be cool to watch the Storm play the Comets on ESPN 2 tonight. I can't do it...I watched the tip off and in about 3 possessions, I turned the channel. It was at Seattle and in the view the camera was showing you could see the front row...exactly where we sat when we went to the game together. By the way honey, that was my best birthday present ever! I had so much fun on that trip with you. I remember coming home (--------) at night and we looked out across Lake Washington at all the city lights. They were reflecting off the lake, it was a clear, warm spring night and we stood outside for a bit and looked out across the lake. I will NEVER forget that moment and how special it felt. Anyway, I got a pit in my stomach watching the game, so I turned it.

Coming back from ------ I thought of you again...all the other times I mentioned in the other email plus one more. I forgot the last time (and this time) I went to ------ I remembered down by ------, an area that we flew over one evening. We were coming from ----- going up to ------, it was getting near sunset and we were flying over meadows and really pretty areas with a lot of wildlife. I really remember that time with you, even though we weren't even going out then. It was just really peaceful and beautiful (just like you).

Today I was in ------- office (the duty officer office) and I recalled sitting exactly where I was sitting and I looked over at the empty chair and I thought to myself 'this is where I was sitting and right there is where K-Dub was sitting when he handed me his phone number'. Damn, what I'd give to experience that time again in my life. We also had our first conversations in that same room. It was almost like the beginning of what we had. Honey, that time in my life was without a doubt the most fulfilling and happiest time of my life. I miss it so much. I would give anything to be able to relive that time, over and over and over again.

So we should be getting married in 4 days. I want to do something really special for us, but I don't know what to do, so I think I was just going to go to our property and plant the tree I got from your funeral. On the way there I was going to swing by the ------- church and I guess I'll time it so I can be in there at 1 pm cuz that's the time we were supposed to get married. It will probably be one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I feel like it will be the closest I can get to you on our special day. And that's all I want, is to be close to you again. So I suppose that will be the special things I will do on our wedding day. Oh yeah, I will also open that cute little present you got for me on ebay. I think it's those little rubber duckies - the bride and groom ones. I guess you probably know now, but you thought I didn't see it pop up on your computer, that you won them, but I did. I just didn't want to spoil the surprise so I said I didn't see them. Anyway, I'll open that box. Yeah, I still haven't opened it yet. If I think of anything else special I can do, I'll do it. I want it to be a special day for me/us regardless of the circumstances. Oh honey, this is terrible and I hate it all soooo much. I wish I didn't have to go through this, but I am and there's no changing that, so I'm still trying my best. Please be with me if you can, don't ever leave me and please don't ever forget about me. I hope so bad that you'll be there in Heaven when I finally make it. Honey I love you so much and you will eternally be in my heart. I love you, I love you, I love you!!! xoxoxo