3 Months

It's been exactly 3 months since you were killed. The other day I was thinking how beautiful you were and how lucky I was to have experienced heaven on earth. You were the closest to heaven that I could get. Today is hard for me....it's hard for me to be happy and think of how lucky I was and how beautiful you were, just cuz it's more of a sad day. Actually the last couple days have been really sad for me. I really miss you. I really, really miss you. You were somebody so special to me. Someone that I waited for. A long time. You were someone who loved me back as equal as I loved you. And I loved you more than I have ever loved anything. You meant the world to me and right now it's so hard to live without you. I want so bad to just see your face one more time. I want so bad to be able to get a hug from you....I think that's what I want from you right now more than anything is a hug. I want to hear your voice again. Your phone calls again. I want to visit you again. I want you to visit me. I want us to be married. I want to live together. I want to make your lunch everyday. I want to have dinner waiting on the table for you every night. I want a kiss from you when you walk in the door. I want to feel your arms around me. I miss so many things about you. I was the luckiest girl in the world. I can't believe how perfect you were. There is no way anyone had what we had. We really were meant for each other. We were soul mates. I knew from the moment we met. I will never experience what we had again. And that's ok. I am lucky to have had a piece of heaven with me for 2-3 yrs. I know most people in this world will live a lifetime and not have what we had. No way, no how. We had a spark, a connection that most people will never know. I loved you more than the world and you loved me back more than the world. We always told each other how much we loved each other and how beautiful the other was. We were so compassionate and caring. It was the kind that was true and genuine, the kind that melted my heart. Anyone who saw us together knew our love for each other was something special. People emulated our relationship. You would never treat me less than a queen. You had so much love and respect for me (and vice versa). I have never seen a relationship like ours. Never. That's what makes it so hard. We did not have an ordinary love. We had something that I know I will never get to experience again. I will be able to enjoy that feeling again when I am in heaven, but I know it won't happen again on earth. And I really don't mind that. I feel fortunate that God picked me to be blessed by you. I don't know why it was so short, but it was something I will always cherish and I will always hold you near and dear to my heart. You touched me and our memories can't be taken. Even though it hurts me so to reminisce...knowing that I won't feel that again here on earth...I realize that what we shared was unlike anything anyone here on earth knows. It truly was heavenly and spiritual. Our souls came together and meshed as one, we were that close. Now your soul is gone and I am nothing but a shell. I feel hollow without you. Life goes on and so am I, but I feel different now. You filled a void I didn't even know I had and now that you're gone I'm empy. Part of me is empty. It will never be filled again. I want you to know that I am sure of what we had and how special it was. I really will always love you and what we shared. I think you are the most beautifulest person I have ever (and will ever) met. Sometimes I still can't believe you picked me. You could have had anyone and you picked me. And I think that the way our paths crossed meant something. It really was meant for us to be with each other. It was just so damn short and that tears my heart up. I wanted to grow old with you. I wanted to share everything with you. I was spoiled by you. Nothing will ever compare. The kind of person you were was just so amazing and perfect, how could not everyone love you. You drew people towards you, it really was like you were an angel or a piece of heaven. Everyone wanted a piece of you. How lucky was I to be able to truly experience you and share so deeply with you. You never shared so much of yourself before and neither had I. We were both so amazed at how easy it was for us. How we just flowed, how we melted into each other. We really did just become one. There was no doubt we were meant to be. I will try not to think about what more we should've had together, but I will think of the deepness of our love and how lucky I am to have loved you and you loved me. What an experience. It was something truly amazing and I mean it when I say I really did experience heaven on earth. You were my piece of heaven. You were my angel sent from above and you were my heaven on earth. Honey, I do love you now as much or more than I ever did. Even though you're not physically here, you are in here in thoughts, memories and spirit. I am married to you. You are my one and only. I am so enamored by you still. My love will never die, you will always hold my heart. I miss you tremendously and while it hurts so, so deep, I will think of the day we will be reunited and it will carry me day to day. Please don't forget about me. I hope you still think of me and love me. I can't wait to be with you again. It keeps me going. I love you forever and ever, always and eternally. So much love words can't do it justice....always, always, always....til we meet again. Your baby girl.