More Randomness

Clean is the autumn wind,
Splendid the autumn moon,
The blown leaves are heaped and scattered,
The ice-cold raven starts from its roost.
Dreaming of you - when shall I see you again?
On this night sorrow fills my
heart.

The loss of you, "Lover", is the most painful and disorienting experience life can offer. Life seems bleak and empty, my mind becomes a pool of muddled thoughts. Losing you, my "spouse", is so painful and the grief I feel as I struggle through the grieving process can be overwhelming.

Grief has a tendency to creep up in the odd hours of the day and the night and can be overwhelming.

I feel there's no one in the world who understands my pain, my fears, my irrational thoughts, "griefbursts", guilt, and that overwhelming feeling of being lost.

"I need someone who believes that the sun will rise again, but who does not fear my darkness. Someone who can point out the rocks in my way without making me a child by carrying me. Someone who can stand in thunder and watch the lightning and believe in a rainbow." - Father Joe Mahoney

Losing a soul mate to a tragedy brings undescribable pain -- you can only understand if you have gone through it.

I feel like I'm walking in a cloud or a haze. Everything seems surreal. No one anywhere seems to understand what I'm going through.

Last night I was doing laundry when suddenly I heard my TV, which was on a night time talk show, switch to music. I thought the show had a musical guest, but when I came back upstairs I realized the channel was switched to the 90's music channel. It was the Wallflowers - 6th Avenue Heartache. Funny thing is I remember being with you and hearing that song 3 times in less than a week and it was all in the same spot, the fire station down the road from your house. Even before you died that memory was always in my head...just because hearing that song in the same spot 3 times in less than a week was weird. So I've been hearing it quite a bit recently and of course it makes me think of you. So when I came upstairs and found my TV had switched stations and that song was on, well, I knew it was you. Thanks for the 'sign' honey. I love you for that. Hopefully I'll see you soon. I can't wait! All my love, your baby girl. xoxoxoxo