When talking with most people, I have discovered it is often best to keep quiet about some details of my loss, such as the fact it happened at all. Given that my love for the departed (as well as the loss of him) is such a big part of who I am, it is almost impossible not to mention, at some point. But I think it best not to, and those of you who are dealing with the loss of someone close will likely empathize with the reason why.
When it comes out that my fiance died, people are instantly different with me. They get awkward and uncomfortable, and invariably look like they want to flee in the opposite direction, as if I have the plague.
Now I would understand this reaction were I all weepy and maudlin, but it should be apparent from my actions that I try to have a sense of humor about life & death, and am neither morose nor needy. I don't bring it up spontaneously or foist it on people, I just try to explain that aspect of my life in whichever context is appropriate, when it comes up. Seems reasonable, but still, people behave as if the death of someone close is something contagious, something that might get on them if they get too close to it. (It stains, you know.)
So, I just need to come up with a cover story to explain my moodiness, my celibacy, the origin of one of my tattoos, and why I get a far away look in my eyes sometimes, for no apparent reason. I think it will involve a mysterious history as a sniper (I always wanted to be a sniper, but I never actually wanted to kill the people, just sneak up on them and shoot them). If my background is going to be a lie, may as well go big, eh?
And maybe I will also tell people I come from a happy land where gumdrops rain from the sky, everyone is happy all the time, and no one ever, ever dies. You and I know it's a lie, but that's what people seem to want to believe...
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