KMAX

So I saw a Kmax flying for the first time yesterday, talk about a pit in my stomach. I feel like shit right now. So much leading up to this and you see it all and I feel like i have no need to explain it all. I feel like the biggest jerk, asshole, loser ..... i don't know, just anything horrible and bad that a person could be. I'm not worthy of you, your love or your caring. I feel like an absolute failure at this game of life. I have not written to you in so long. What can I say? You know all, I don't feel like writing cuz I don't know what to say or what good it could possibly do. I think a lot that if you were just here it wouldn't be like this and everything would be okay. How does it ever get better? Somethings got to change in my life, this isn't working. I don't know where to turn besides God. I hate to say this but I wish I was dead. I don't like my life. I'm sorry, I'm just really hurting now and sad and lonely and empty. Nothing's been okay since you've been gone. I miss you.