I Wonder When

I don't ever want this to end, but I still wonder.........
I wonder when the day will come when I don't look/stare/gaze out the window & feel like there's a huge void in my life. I watch the world go by & you're not in it...that's all I think. I look over the mts. and think for a second you are over those mts. hanging out at the house with --- & ---- or you are on a fire over those mts....and then I remember you're not even on this earth. Or I look out the window and watch the cars go by & think how much I would love to be in one of those cars with you or driving to you and I remember you're not even here. I look out the window and think how much I'm missing you and I just wanna walk over to the phone & call you, just to tell you how much I miss you and that I'm thinking of you and I can't wait to see you....but then I remember that's what I used to do and I can't even do that now. I can't wish for one more hug or one more kiss, I can't even wish to see your smile one last time or hear your hearty laugh one more time...it's all gone. I still can't believe it...when will it sink in. When will I stop looking out windows wondering where ... where are you? can you see me? can you feel me? do you think of me? will i ever see you again? I love being by myself so I can stare out windows forever. Thinking about you is the closest thing I have to being with you. No one can take that from me EVER ... and I won't let it go away, I need that connection with you.
I love you honey...I miss you ...3 more days & it's our 2 yr. wedding anniversary. And I would give ANYTHING to be with you & share that day. I love you honey....as tears stream down my face...I love you so much. Your babygirl forever x0x0x0x0x0