You Can

Just thinking about you honey. I'm listening to a song by David Archuleta called You Can & it just really reminds me of you. Us. You made me fall in love, you were the only one. "Cuz if anyone can make me fall in love; you can" Those were some good ol days hon. Weren't we just so in love. Everyone could see it. We were so happy and on top of the world. How I wish it never ended and we could've kept going. I wonder why it had to be this way? I wonder why God didn't want us to spend our life together? It's weird to me cuz we were so perfect and you'd think he'd want us to be together so other people could look at us & say "now that is what being in love is all about" Not to mention us being there for our little -----. You would think God would have wanted us to look out for our angel. I don't understand this life & I really kind of give up on that. All I want to understand is why you're gone & why I'm stuck here all alone. There is no answer, so I guess I just have to keep on going, but that doesn't mean I stop thinking about you or I've given up on you. I could die tomorrow & I still want you to be in my heart so we can pick up where we left off (if that's an option). I don't want to risk losing another chance with you again. I'm pretty sure Heaven/Purgatory it's equal love & the love we had, we all have for everyone ... no one stands out more than anyone else. That's fine BUT what if, we can be together again like in the movie "what dreams may come" Wow, wouldn't that be the best thing ever. It makes me want to leave this earth right now & stop wasting time. So I do think of you so much & I do wish everyday that things were different and look where I am now & wonder if I'd be here if we were together cuz I really don't think my life would be ANYTHING like this. It would be the furthest from this, I know that. I wonder where we'd be & what our life would be like. I envision ----s laugh & smile. I hear your hearty laugh. I see us in our house. Us traveling with your ACN & me doing something ...huh, I wonder what? Really I never thought of that with you. All I ever wanted was to just be by your side in everything that YOU did. Nothing in my life was more important than you. I only worked because I needed money to survive. If I wouldn't have needed that, I would've quit everything and been with you every second/every minute. Funny how life is now....nothing like what I want it to be...really lost & confused right now. I feel so off course. I guess it will all work out ... with God it will play out how he wants, what I want doesn't matter one bit. I have no control in life, I just try to make the best decisions and hope everything works out. If not, oh well, I guess that's life. What's new. Sometimes I think God doesn't want me to have anything that I want. So I just don't care & roll with the punches & wait for the day when we can be together again. I love you forever hon....you're my everything! <3>