I Just Know

Hon, do you suppose we know deep down how our life is going to play out. Why do I know that I will be single forever? Why do I know that I will NEVER meet anyone as good as you? Why do I know that I experienced love & you, the best thing that ever happened to me and now you are gone ... it's like I had my 5 minutes of fame and I have the rest of my life to live with the knowledge that nothing will ever be as good again and I'll never feel that way again until I die and go to Heaven. I mean, I know what we had was unreal, unlike anything ever I will experience again on this earth. I was fortunate enough to be able to experience what Heaven feels like, for that I am thankful, but sometimes it's hard to realize I have up to 60 more years to live without ever feeling that again. Deep down I know honey. I know that was it. What we had was short & I know the rest of my life will be alone. I've accepted that and come to terms with it, but the enormity of it all when I think of how long I will be without those beautiful feelings sometimes hurts me deeply. I miss you, your hugs, your kisses, your touch .. no one elses. I don't want anyone else. It will all be disappointment, no one will ever compare. I don't want anyone to like me, I don't want to "look" for anyone, I don't want to be desperate to find what we had because I know it's pointless, it's not out there. I will have to die and go to Heaven to experience us again. Sometimes I still miss you so much it hurts. Life without you still makes me cry, it still hurts my heart. The pain is deep and I don't know how to make it go away. I don't feel like it will ever be behind me, it's always going to be a part of me. I've changed so much since I've lost you. My world is upside down now & though it looks good from the outside, on the inside I die knowing you are gone for the rest of my waking life on this earth. I cope everyday knowing you aren't here to share my life with, I think of you everyday honey. I don't know what God has in store for me, but I know that really it doesn't matter because all I care about is the end & being with you again. I know someday my patience will pay off and once again we'll be reunited. I think of that often. I try to be happy every day & do what you would expect of me. I try to live my life like you would - with happiness & ambition. I'll accomplish great things I know, but everything I have and will gain in this life means nothing if you aren't here to share it. You know I would trade absolutely everything I have to just be with you again. I miss you terribly and dream of the day when we're together again. I love you more than anything in this world hon & please send me signs that you are still there waiting for me. You'll always be the ONE hon. I love you forever & always. 1 <3.