So Much Love For You

What a trying time honey. I am really trying hard to keep my head in the game. I look at your pictures often, I think of you all day, I imagine your hugs, kisses, your touch....just being next to you. I replay every moment we spent together....every move you made, every look you gave me, everything you said....what did I do, what did I say. I think about it all honey. It can be overwhelming at times, but sometimes I feel so strong, that I can overcome and I think about my future and while it doesn't include you there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And that light is hope. Hope for what, I don't know. Maybe someday to be a great coach at a college, maybe to become an RVP in ACN just for you and walk across that stage, maybe to be the mother to ----- that she never had, maybe to someday find someone new and have that kid I always wanted, and that house I always wanted to settle down in, maybe that garden we never got to grow, be the best wife I could be....I don't know, but I think it must be good that I can even think of a future. Even though it's hard now and I certainly never envisioned a future without you, all of it was you. You were my dream....we were going to cry as we were married...we couldn't even talk about it without crying, the union of our love being just that beautiful and sacred, we were going to gaze lovingly into each others eyes as we said our vows, we were going to love each other faithfully forever!, we were going to raise a family together, we were going to live in our very own house together on our very own land, we were going to grow old together, we were going to be one of those couples that still hugs and holds hands when they're 80. We were going to have it all. You were without a doubt one of a kind. I was so blessed to have you touch my heart and my soul. I have no doubt that you are/were part of Gods plan. How could someone so perfect enter my life and then leave so suddenly. You have opened doors for me, doors of faith, of love, of respect, of happiness, of laughter, of caring.....so many doors. You are/were an inspiration. In my mind you will NEVER be replicated. Never! But I will always have your memories and when/if I ever decide to be in another relationship I will know what the standard is. You set a standard...sometimes a standard I worry is too high, but if someone doesn't treat me like a queen, as you treated me, I will have no part of it. You showed me how a woman should be treated. No doubt. And it wasn't half the time, some of the time, most of the time, or when it was easy for you. It was all the time. That was just how you were. You treated me like a queen. I really do believe that God sent you to me. You were created by God no doubt, you were touched by him, he was living through you. No one could have ever experienced what I (hopefully you too) experienced. It was like nothing I've never seen or heard about. Sometimes you would see a love like ours in the movies....seeming almost too good to be true, but you know what, ours was better than the movies....better than too good to be true and it was real. That's why I know our love and relationship was nothing of this earth, it was something from above. It was divine, pure, heavenly. Like the song says "I'm the closest to Heaven that I'll ever be" How true was that during our short 2-3 yrs. together. Honey, I thank you and of course, God, for touching me. For letting me into your life, for blessing me with all of your love. You are without a doubt the best thing that ever came into my life. I miss you tremendously and I will keep praying that there is life after K-Dub. You have made this very hard, but I must keep believing that when you lose something good that only means something better is around the corner. I've never heard anyone say that, but I believe it. It has to be true....there is no doubt. The only part that's hard to believe is that there is something better than you out there. And if there's not, so be it, I have no problem living my life in your honor. In fact, it would be a privilege and a great honor, for you are truly one of a kind and an inspiration to me. I love you so much. More than words could ever say, words could never do you justice, nor what we shared. It's indescribable, but believe me when I say, if I could compare 'us' to something...it would have to be something out of this world, like Heaven. Finally, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you! This would all be easier if I didn't have such great memories and think of you all the time, but since you are on my mind all day from the moment I awake until the moment I close my eyes to sleep at night, I will always miss you. I will miss everything about you. Thank you for you. I love you so much it brings tears to my eyes.....it always did and it always will.

Tired And Sad

I should go to bed because I'm tired and I'm sad. I feel out of energy. How I wish so bad you were here. I need you in my life, without you it's so hard. You were my lover, my best friend, the love of my life...you were everything to me. I love you so much. Sometimes I don't know how I can keep going on.....without you I'm so empty. All I can do is have faith and keep praying to the Lord above. Someday we'll be reunited....I hope it's so soon. I'm ready to be with you and in Heaven now. I love you so, so much.

Please Take A Few Moments And Watch This

Click on the link below and once on the page click on 'view presentation'
http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/

Just Thinking Of You

Oh God Honey, you are something else. I can't get you off my mind. I went back and read my journal of when we first met. Although I must have been in a hurry and my entries were quick and to the point, the memories that came flooding back weren't.
I remember what you wore on our first date. The hawaiian shirt (that's now hanging in my closet next to my Hawaiian shirt), your "steel" shorts. :) I remember me asking you if I could kiss you while we were standing next to the kitchen sink. I remember your couch was against a different wall and that's where we sat and talked for a long time! I can't believe I forgot about staying at --------. :) Don't ask how...haha. I remember driving all the way up the river after work just to see you at the ----. I remember ----- seeing me drive home the next morning...his double take...probably wondering what the hell is she doing driving down from ------ this early in the morning! I remember all the nights in the cabins along the river, not wanting to go to work the next day, but just wanting to stay with you instead. I remember our walk down to the river, skipping rocks. Mine made it across, but yours didn't...haha. I don't remember what we talked about, but it felt so right and easy and especially too short. Having to go back to the office and you to your helicopter. And remember it started raining on us and we had to run under the nearest trees, laughing like two kids so innocent and fun. Remember sitting in your helicopter on the lower landing while it was pouring rain? I never wanted that moment to end. They kept calling me on the radio and I never answered. I was in your world and having a hard time jumping back into reality. Finally, --- came and got me...a fire call...yeah, I knew but I was ignoring/turning down my first fire call in 10 years. I remember sneaking behind the fuel truck so --- could take our pictures, trying to remain professional, when all we wanted was to run away together. I remember hiking through 8 foot alder brush to the top of a ridge every morning just so I could get a signal, call you and hear your voice. Sometimes I didn't get through, but there was always a message from you. And you know what? I still have one of the first messages you ever left me...a message from the same fire I hiked to the top of the ridge...just to hear your voice. I've played that message a thousand times since that day. So fortunate I never erased it, but rather saved it because although you hadn't said you loved me yet, I heard it in your voice and I knew.....yeah, I knew.
Oh honey I could go on forever, but now the tears are coming and I can't go on. Oh boy, I love you, I loved you, so, so much. This is hard.
When people leave who have strong gifts that they give, we feel a hole and a vacuum.
ONE. (That means one love....like you're the only one....in case you never knew)

WHEN I LOOK TO THE SKY

When I Look To The Sky
When it rains it pours and opens doors
And floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry
And in the midst of sailing ships we sink our lips into the ones we love
That have to say goodbye
And as I float along this ocean
I can feel you like a notion that won't seem to let me go
Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me
And you make everything alright
And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me
And I can always find my way when you are here
And every word I didn't say that caught up in some busy day
And every dance on the kitchen floor we didn't dance before
And every sunset that we'll miss I'll wrap them all up in a kiss
And pick you up in all of this when I sail away
Whether I am up or down or in or out or just plane overhead
Instead it just feels like it is impossible to fly
But with you I can spread my wings
to see me over everything that life may send me
When I am hoping it won't pass me by
And when I feel like there is no one that will ever know me
there you are to show me
*Train

Probably Wouldn't Be This Way

Artist:
Leann Rimes
Album:
This Woman
Title:
Probably Wouldn't Be This Way
Got a date a week from Friday with a preacher's son

Everybody says he's crazy

I'll have to wait and see

I finally moved to Jackson when the summer came

I won't have to pay that boy to rake my leaves

I'm probably going on and on

It seems I'm doing more of that these days

I probably wouldn't be this way

I probably wouldn't hurt so bad

I never pictured every minute without you in it

Oh You left so fast

Sometimes I see you standing there

Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch

Sometimes I feel like I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much

God gave me a moment's grace

'Cause if I'd never seen your face

I probably wouldn't be this way

Mama says that I just shouldn't speak to you

Susan says that I should just move on
You oughta see the way these people look at me

When they see me 'round here talking to this stone

Everybody thinks I've lost my mind

But I just take it day by day

I probably wouldn't be this way

I probably wouldn't hurt so bad

I never pictured every minute without you in it

Oh You left so fast

Sometimes I see you standing there

Sometimes I feel an angel's touch

Sometimes I feel like I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much

God gave me a moment's grace

'Cause if I'd never seen your face

I probably wouldn't be this way

Probably wouldn't be this way

Got A Date a week from Friday with a preacher's son

Everybody says I'm crazy

I'll have to wait and see

Memories Of Us

Making Memories Of Us
I'm gonna be here for you baby
I'll be a man of my word
Speak the language in a voice that you have never heard
I wanna sleep with you forever
And I wanna die in your arms
In a cabin by a meadow where the wild bees swarm
And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you
And I'll earn your trust making memories of us
I wanna honor your mother
I wanna learn from your pa
I wanna steal your attention like a bad outlaw
I wanna stand out in a crowd for you
A man among men
I wanna make your world better than it's ever been
And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you
And I'll earn your trust making memories of us
We'll follow the rainbow
Wherever the four winds blow
And there'll be a new day
Comin' your way
I'm gonna be here for you from now on
This you know somehow
You've been stretched to the limits but it's alright now
And I'm gonna make you a promise
If there's life after this
I'm gonna be there to meet you with a warm, wet kiss
And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you
And I'll earn your trust making memories of us
I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you
And I'll win your trust making memories of us

*Keith Urban

You Will Always Make Me Smile

I love you so much honey, you will always bring a tear to my eye. It has been so hard going on without you. All I have are memories, but sometimes it just doesn't seem enough. I wanted to continue making memories with you, but I will be happy with what we had, because what we had was beautiful and perfect and pure and heavenly and it will always make me smile. I'm so blessed for what we shared. Honey, I love and miss you sooooooooooo much. I can't wait to be with you again someday.

Unforgettable

Unforgettable, that's what you are

Unforgettable though near or far

Like a song of love that clings to me

How the thought of you does things to me

Never before has someone been more
Unforgettable in every way

And forever more, that's how you'll stay

That's why, darling, it's incredible

That someone so unforgettable

Thinks that I am unforgettable too

Sent From Up Above

Sent From Up Above

I don't wanna live without your love
I can't imagine
Looking in someone else's eyes
What we have surpasses
Even paradise
It's hard to fathom
Reaching for someone else's hand
What we share is magic
Heaven had a plan
Sent from up above
So much love
In my life
I can't get enough
Of your touch
Feels so right
Unending passion
Somehow, the fire never dies
What we share is everlasting
Love without demise
He made it happen
Placed so much joy into our hands
What we dreamed, we fin'lly captured
Heaven took command
I don't wanna live without your love
It must have been sent from up above
Just can't get enough
I don't wanna live without your love
It must have been sent from up above

NEVER FORGET YOU

NEVER FORGET YOU
I won’t see your smile

And I won’t hear you

Laugh anymore

Every night I won’t see you

Walk through that door

‘Cause time wasn’t on

Your side
It isn’t right

I can’t say I love you

It’s too late to

Tell you

But I really need

You to know

Oh baby, no, I’ll never forget you

I’ll never let you out of my heart

You will always be here with me

I’ll hold on to the memories baby

Baby can you hear me

Wherever you

May be tonight

Are you near me

I need you to be by

My side

‘Cause I never said

Goodbye
Oh baby, no, I’ll never forget you

I’ll never let you out of my heart

You will always be here with me

I’ll hold on to the memories baby

Somewhere I know you’ll be

With me

Someday in another time

But right now you’re gone

You just vanished away

But I’ll never leave

You behind

No, I’ll never forget you

I’ll never let you out of my heart

You will always be here with me

I’ll hold on to the memories baby

Just To Hold You Once Again

JUST TO HOLD YOU ONCE AGAIN
Do you know

How it feels

Lying here without you baby

You could never understand what’s happening to me

So alone

Nothing’s real

I just dream about you baby

And forever wonder why you had to break free
I would give my all

To have you here

Just to hold you once again
It’s so hard to believe

I don’t have you right beside me

As I long to touch you

But you’re out of my reach

And my heart doesn’t feel

It’s so very cold inside me

Just a shadow of someone that I used to be
I would give my all

To have you here

Just to hold you once again
You were the only one (only one)

That I allowed inside my heart

Now I’m just holding on

To something so far gone

I would give my all

To have you here

Just to hold you once again

Just to hold you once again

Closest To Heaven That I'll Ever Be

And I'd give up forever to touch you

'Cause I know that you feel me somehow

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment

And all I can breathe is your life

'Cause sooner or later it's over

I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

Or the moment of truth in your lies

When everything feels like the movies

Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

I Had The Time Of My Life

I HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFE
Now I've had the time of my life

No I never felt like this before

Yes I swear it's the truth

and I owe it all to you

'Cause I've had the time of my life

and I owe it all to you
I've been waiting for so long

Now I've finally found someone

To stand by me

We saw the writing on the wall

As we felt this magical Fantasy
Now with passion in our eyes

There's no way we could disguise it

Secretly

So we take each other's hand

'Cause we seem to understand

The urgency just remember
You're the one thing

I can't get enough of

So I'll tell you something

This could be love because
I've had the time of my life

No I never felt like this before

Yes I swear it's the truth

And I owe it all to you
With my body and soul

I want you more than you'll ever know

So we'll just let it go

Don't be afraid to lose control

Yes I know what's on your mind

When you say, "Stay with me tonight"

Just remember
You're the one thing

I can't get enough of

So I'll tell you something

This could be love because
I've had the time of my life

No I never felt like this before

Yes I swear it's the truth

And I owe it all to you

Heaven's Missing An Angel

HEAVEN'S MISSING AN ANGEL
I hope the Man upstairs Isn't mad at me

'Cause I have one of His angels

And he's here with me

When I see his precious smile

And he spreads his wings

It takes me to a place where love Meets eternity
Oh, no I'm not letting go

I don't want to be alone

In this crazy world

Oh, Lord How I love him so

And I'll sacrifice it all to have him

In my life
I found my guy

I'll tell the world

That Heaven is missing an angel

My dreams came true

When I found you

Yes, Heaven is missing an angel
Not a day goes by

That I don't thank God for you

He blessed me with my angel

Though I don't deserve you

Until I found you

Lonely was my best friend

Now that you are in my life

I am stronger within

I can't wait to kiss my angel

Late at night

And watch him go to sleep

Until I see him rise
All that I do is for you

Me without you just won't do

Oh, no

Your love's all I want to know

Angel, don't you ever go

Life won't be the same without you

I Long For Your Embrace

Since you've gone I been lost without a trace I dream at night I can only see your face I look around but it's you I can't replace I feel so cold and I long for your embrace I keep crying baby, baby, please
O can't you see You belong to me How my poor heart aches With every breath you take

Beautiful Soul

I don't want another pretty face

I don't want just anyone to hold

I don't want my love to go to waste

I want you and your beautiful soul

You're the one I wanna chase

You're the one I wanna hold

I wont let another minute go to waste

I want you and your beautiful soul

I know that you are something special

To you I'd be always faithful

I want to be what you always needed

Then I hope you'll see the heart in me

I don't want another pretty face

I don't want just anyone to hold

I don't want my love to go to waste

I want you and your beautiful soul

You're the one I wanna chase

You're the one I wanna hold

I wont let another minute go to waste

I want you and your beautiful soul

Your beautiful soul, yeah

You might need time to think it over

But im just fine moving forward

I'll ease your mind

If you give me the chance

I will never make you cry c`mon lets try

I don't want another pretty face

I don't want just anyone to hold

I don't want my love to go to waste

I want you and your beautiful soul

You're the one I wanna chase

You're the one I wanna hold

I wont let another minute go to waste

I want you and your beautiful soul

Am I crazy for wanting you

Baby do you think you could want me too

I don't wanna waste your time

Do you see things the way I do

I just wanna know if you feel it too

There is nothing left to hide

I don't want another pretty face

I don't want just anyone to hold

I don't want my love to go to waste

I want you and your beautiful soul

You're the one I wanna chase

You're the one I wanna hold

I wont let another minute go to waste

I want you and your beautiful soul

You beautiful soul, yeah.

Because You Loved Me

Because You Loved Me
For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

Mother To Son

I read this poem in a newspaper this weekend and it made me think of life....mainly life now without you....but I'll keep going, I won't sit on the steps. I sent this to your mom too.
Damn, I miss you, I can't wait to be with you in Heaven.

Mother To Son

Well, son, I'll tell you:

Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

It's had tacks in it,

And splinters,

And boards torn up,

And places with no carpet on the floor -

Bare.

But all the time

I'se been a-climbin' on,

And reachin' landin's,

And turnin' corners,

And sometimes goin' in the dark

Where there ain't been no light.

So, boy, don't you turn back.

Don't you set down on the steps.

'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.

Don't you fall now --

For I'se still goin', honey,

I'se still climbin',

And life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

-Langston Hughes

THE PRESENCE OF YOUR ABSENCE IS EVERYWHERE

As you know hon, I have to run everyday for work, which is probably a good thing. I don't know why but the radio stations on your Sony walkman keep playing this song over and over. It must be a sign, so I looked up the lyrics and here they are. "Today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten." Pretty cool. I hope it's a happy ending with you and I together again. I love and miss you so, so much!! xoxoxo

Unwritten------Natasha Bedingfield

I am unwritten, Can't read my mind

I'm undefined

I'm just beginning

The pen's in my hand

Ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you

Open up the dirty window

Let the sun illuminate the words

That you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance

So close you can almost taste it

Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you

Only you can let it in

No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips

drench yourself in words unspoken

Live your life with arms wide open

Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten ,yeah

Oh, ohI break tradition

Sometimes my tries

Are outside the lines, oh yeah

We've been conditioned

To not make mistakes

But I can't live that way oh, oh

Staring at the blank page before you

Open up the dirty window

Let the sun illuminate the words

That you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance

So close you can almost taste it

Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you

Only you can let it in

No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips x2 (twice)

drench yourself in words unspoken

Live your life with arms wide open

Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you

Open up the dirty window

Let the sun illuminate the words

That you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance

So close you can almost taste it

Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you

Only you can let it in

No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips

drench yourself in words unspoken

Live your life with arms wide open

Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you

Only you can let it inNo one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips

drench yourself in words unspoken

Live you life with arms wide open

Today is where you book begins

The rest is still unwritten

The rest is still unwritten(YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!)