The Link

So I was thinking as I was running thasmornin' the only link I have to you right now is my memories. And ya know, it's amazing the things I can remember now. Trivial little things that I'm sure if you were still alive I'd never think of. In fact, some of the things are so small I fear with time they will fade away into the recesses of my mind. The weirdest memories at the oddest time will pop into my head. I can't see what would trigger them, but I'm not complaining. Unlike the other day when I hated all the memories because it made me think of you which in turn made me miss you which in turn made me hurt and sad. I remembered my trip to Arizona this spring with Aunt ----- and Grandma ----, what's odd is I can remember every place that I talked to you on the phone. I remember the atmosphere, the people walking around, the time of day, what I was looking at. The littlest things. I remember talking to you at the town with the big mining pit. I was outside looking down into the pit, there was a family to my right and the car was to my left. Grandma and ----- were still in the gift shop. The weather was nice. You were in the middle of cycles and it was a short conversation, but a conversation none the less. I remember talking to you sitting on a bench at an outlet mall outside of Phoenix. I remember 2 ladies walking by, I remember having to go because ----- and Grandma needed a ride to the other end of the mall. I remember 'venting' to you cuz ----- was gonna drive me nuts! I remember sitting on the curve in the sun talking to you my legs outstretched, tucking them in for the white van that passed. I wanted to be with you so bad right then, or I wanted you to be with me. Shoot, I remember a lot more than that, but those were just a couple examples. But I'm serious, it's so weird cuz I can't remember anything for the life of me and I keep having such vivid memories. Like places I drove by to see you in Oregon (the off ramp from the Busch station), along some stretch of road where some town was to my left and houses were off in the distant to my right (I'd know it if I ever saw it again), ALL the spots along the freeway with the river on my right, as I was driving through whatever town took me to you - I missed the turn and had to turn around at this Y intersection, going up a windy hill and it was getting dark. All of it, pulling up and you were standing on the balcony waiting for me. I could seriously go on forever and ever, it's all so vivid. Not only Oregon but I remember where I was while talking to you on the phone while traveling to and fro (Texas, Florida, and Arizona to name a few). Well, I'll talk more later, right now ------- has called and wants some info. on some charge codes for some fires that the crew was on in New Mexico. Gotta run honey, but I love my husband with all my heart and I will always hold you near and dear. You are a beautiful angel. I love you more than words could ever say.

I'm back from the office. I've been unpacking your video games, movies and cds.....pretty much everything and guess what, When I Look To The Sky" just came on the radio. I know you're here with me today. I'm gonna stop and cry. I miss you honey...so, so much.