What is "Normal"?

Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the important events in your life.
Normal for me is trying to decide what to do for Birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years, Valentine's Day, July 4th and Easter.
Normal is feeling like you know how to act and are more comfortable with a funeral than a wedding or birthday party.
Normal is feeling like you can't sit another minute without getting up and screaming, because you just don't like to sit through anything.
Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand memories & thoughts go through your head constantly.
Normal is reliving his accident continuously through your eyes and mind, holding your head to make it go away.
Normal is having the TV or radio on the minute I walk into the house to have noise, because the silence is deafening.
Normal is staring at every guy who looks like ------. And then thinking of how he would be now and not being able to imagine it. Then wondering why it is even important to imagine it, because it will never happen.
Normal is every happy event in my life always being backed up with sadness lurking close behind, because of the hole in my heart.
Normal is telling the story of -----'s death as if it were an everyday, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horror in someone's eyes at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has become a part of my "normal".
Normal is each year coming up with the difficult task of how to honor -----’s memory, our anniversaries and his birthday and survive these days. And trying to find something to do that fits the occasion. Happy Birthday? Happy Anniversary? Not really.
Normal is my heart warming and yet sinking at the sight of something special ------ loved. Thinking how he would love it, but how he’s not here to enjoy it.
Normal is shutting people out who talk about having children, something ------ and I never had the chance to do.
Normal is having some people afraid to mention my ------.
Normal is making sure that others remember him.
Normal is after the funeral is over everyone else goes on with their lives, but I continue to grieve his loss forever.
Normal is expecting ----- to walk around the corner any minute, expecting a message on my voice mail from ----- or thinking it’s ------ when the phone rings.
Normal is weeks, months, and years after the initial shock, the grieving gets worse, not better.
Normal is not listening to people compare anything in their life to this loss, unless they too have lost a loved one. NOTHING. Even if your loved one is in the remotest part of the earth away from you - it doesn't compare.
Normal is trying not to cry all day, because I know my mental health depends on it.
Normal is realizing I do cry everyday.
Normal is disliking jokes about death or funerals and bodies being referred to as cadavers when you know they were once someone's loved one.
Normal is being impatient with everything and everyone but someone stricken with grief over the loss their loved one.
Normal is getting upset when people treat their spouse disrespectful or complain about their relationship, at least you have someone.
Normal is getting a pit in your stomach when you see happy, loving couples. That’s supposed to be us.
Normal is sitting at the computer crying while still writing ------ emails.
Normal is feeling a common bond with friends who have also lost a loved one.
Normal is a new friendship with another grieving person, talking and crying together over our loved one and our new lives.
Normal is not listening to people make excuses for God. "God may have done this because...” I love God, I know that ------ is in heaven, but hearing people trying to think up excuses as to why ----- was taken from this earth is not appreciated and makes absolutely no sense me.
Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned the house, did laundry or if there is any food.
Normal is being unable to focus on anything or anyone, but there’s no problem focusing on the memories of ------.
Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to explain your wedding ring, because you will never see this person again and it is not worth explaining that ------ is in heaven. And yet when you say you have no husband to avoid that problem, you feel horrible as if you have betrayed ------.
Normal is avoiding -----’s children because they break your heart when you see them, but knowing you have to see them, they need me and I need them.
Normal is asking God why he took -----’s life instead of yours and asking if there even is a God.
Normal is knowing I will never get over this loss, in a day or a million years.
And last of all...
Normal is hiding all the things that have become "normal" for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think that you are "normal.”