Emptiness

emptiness fills me. i make it through the days, but it's lonely without you. i miss everything about you.

today i had to go to --- for a meeting. at one point during the meeting i thought about calling you for lunch then i said to myself, i can't, he's dead. right then and there the pain was so unbearable, i just wanted to smash the hell out of something, and there was an ache in my gut that wouldn't go away. it bothered me so much i had to get up and go out in the hall and just try to think of something else. i did that until it all went away.

i thought about the time i had a meeting at the resort and you came and picked me up for lunch. i would give anything to be able to do that again. sometimes i miss what we should of had so much, i think that life without it sucks. i'm so unhappy with life now. i know i shouldn't be, but you made it so fulfilling and happy. how can it ever be like that again? i hate how i feel most of the time. i really do. i want to die so bad, just to be with you again. i would never commit suicide, but i do pray to god to take me whenever he's ready. this is something that's so hard. i do my best and i'm making it, but i hate every minute of this.

honey, i miss you so, so much. someday we will be reunited and i will be so happy once again. i love you - all day every day. yours always and forever, your baby girl xoxoxox