Just Sittin Here Passing Time

Just sittin here at ---- café passing the time. I really don’t know why I download all this music, I can’t possibly listen to it all. I think I know the real reason why I do this. It keeps my mind occupied on something I’m interested in….music. So I can sit at this computer all day and my mind goes blank and/or numb. It takes my mind off of you or maybe just reality. So I sit here all day…I mean really, all day. That’s a long ass time. Think of all the other things I could be doing instead. Productive things. I suppose I’d rather just let my mind be occupied by some mindless task which is exactly what this is. I have 5 more minutes before my last download finishes and then I will start your computer back up again. Yeah, it’s your computer I’m using. First time I’ve used it in a long time, I figure it’s less cluttered than my computer right now. I think my hard drive is almost full so it’s time to save it all to disk and start over….nawmeen. I’ve sent myself some emails from you. I really wish they were from you. What is life? Yeah, I’m random. I feel like a zombie and like I’m in another world. OK, the download is over, I’ll save this to your desktop and restart your computer. I love you more than life. I'm back. Restarted your computer and my download speeds are way faster. I'm such a loser geek huh? This probably kills you, a man of action, to see me sitting on my ass all day doing basically absolutely nothing. Where will this help me in life? This is a waste of time I know. At least I could be reading some catholic book. My prayer book, the catechism book, the Bible....something. Please forgive me, someday I'll make a move and put this all behind me. I have a feeling it's an avoidance tactic. A way for me to avoid the pain. For now let me be I guess....don't know what else to do. I wish I knew more to write, I'll just ramble cuz I'm trying to waste time. I could write so much to you, but usually I have to be in a "mood" to write. Right now I'm not. I'm in no mood for anything. Sad, only to me. Still here, it's like 4:30 in the afternoon, getting dusk and I've been here since 9:30 thasmornin. Messed up thing is I'll be here 'til whenever than I'll probably go home and just get on the computer again. I'm kinda hungry, but screw it, I'm going for a fasting day. This will be for All Souls Day, it will be my fast for you. To show my devotion to you and the Lord. Tomorrow I go back to work, yipee skipee. I guess I'm not really feelin' it. Gotta meet with ----- and she was a different duck. How do you present not so zesty feedback to someone. I hate that kinda stuff. It's either go to work, which has been ok or stay at home and do ???? I got some things lined up. I just bought a VCR/DVD recorder combo. The plan is to turn all my VHS into DVD's, that will clear up more room and make them ezier to store and watch. That's one project. The other is of course just keep organizing my music. I could do that for a long ass time, that will always keep me busy. I guess that's the plan....I suppose that's why I do it, it's neverending and I will always have it to fall back on. The other project is me. I am going to work out damn good. I think I have a good start. I'm surprising myself on how dedicated I've been. I'm trying to eat good, run and lift. For the most part I'm doing all of it. Been pretty consistent which surprises me considering my state of mind. Besides working on me physically I am going to work on me spiritually. I have a whole load of catholic/religious books to read. I have a feeling come spring time I will be a whole new person. I'll probably be some religious freak that your mom warned you about. :) I really do feel like I am at the beginning of a transformation. Don't know what kind, but I'm taking my life more seriously. By that I mean I'm more aware of my actions and how they can effect other people, I'm more aware of how I treat people....still need to work on that, but I am trying to love everybody and be accepting of everybody, even big, fat ---. See I need to work on that. I'm more focused on becoming a better person for God. I am working on my acceptance into Heaven. I feel like I don't want to chance anything, I have to do the best I can so I can get into Heaven and have a place next to you. I will do everything in my power (and with the Lords help) to become a better person. At times I honestly wish I could give it all up, my job, my house, my money (that would be scary) just so I can fully commit myself to the Lord. I would love to join the equivalency of a monastary, whatever that is. Would that be a nun? I don't know but I could live without material things and focusing on a job so you can make money to live, to buy things. I just wanna wake up and be with the Lord all day. Pray, seclusion, study, reading, etc. See maybe I'm going overboard, I told you I might become one of those religious people. I wanna use the word freak for lack of a better word, but that seems so wrong...they're not freaks. Well, I'm getting kind of bored and thinking about going home now. Might as well don't got shit else to do. Nawmeen. Maybe I'll write ya later, maybe not. Love you my K-dub.

This is the passage you saw on the back of the other pilots flight helmet. Corey broke it on down for us, but I was reading up on this today and here some more to educate your mind. Don't know why I'm telling you, I'm sure you know everything now that you're up above. :)


Matthew 10:29-31
Glorious Heavenly Father,

Blessed be thy name, Lord. This world is an exquisite work of art created by you, the Master Craftsman. I behold it's glories and know that I am unworthy of such splendor. I stand humble and small beneath your bright blue sky, or in the shadow of just one of your mountains.
Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.So don’t be afraid;you are worth more than many sparrows.


In the vastness of this universe I am but one tiny speck, yet I am of great concern to you. I am just a speck, yet you listen when I speak. You answer my prayers. You deliver me from my fears. I am just a speck, yet every hair on my head is numbered.

You sent your son to suffer and die for my sins before I was even born. As he hung upon the cross, my name was on his lips. That is love beyond reckoning; the only unconditional love the world truly knows, for it out lasts death.

Holy Father, you are so grand my human mind cannot fully comprehend your majesty, but standing upon one of your mountains and looking down into one of your valleys I know, that in all of this glory you created, your plan for me is to be a masterpiece reflecting your boundless love. That, Lord, humbles me most of all.

Father, I ask for your continued patience and guidance as I strive to be the person you would have me be. Cleanse my heart and soul. Lift me up when I stumble. Because Jesus died for me, help me to live for him.

These things I ask in Jesus name, and for the sake of his coming kingdom. Amen.

I came across this and thought it was pretty cool.

TJ 16:45-46 45"Behold, there was a little bird that circled at great heights and sang, rejoicing about life, when a strong gust of wind came and made it waver. It then suddenly doubted its power to fly, plummeted down and was killed. 46Therefore, never doubt the power of your spirit and never doubt your knowledge and ability when logic proves to you the law of Creation in truth and correctness."