Big sigh, I did it honey. I went skydiving, it all seemed like a blur to me and it went so fast. It’s almost like I didn’t even do it. I wasn’t even scared. I just did it, the thing that made me sick was thinking of you. My guts hurt all day and when I landed my legs were shaking. They’re still shaking. I haven’t eaten anything all day. It’s sooo weird, this is certainly surreal. It’s so crazy, it feels like yesterday. It feels awkward. I feel like screaming. I feel like crying. I feel like dying. I feel like being alone. I am tired of this. I’m tired of running around like this, pretending it’s okay and doing all these things without you. I’m tired of just being all alone. I waited my whole life for you. You are irreplaceable. I’m just tired….period. What am I doing? Really….what am I doing? Most people would sky dive and write a book about it. How they felt, how crazy it was, how fun it was and I don’t know what to say, but I wanted to do it for some reason, I did it, I was numb the whole time, I finished and I felt nothing. No rush, just weirdness. It was weird. Now I wonder why I even did it. I don’t know what I expected from it, but I didn’t expect to feel blank. I wanted to feel close to you. Maybe I was close to you and that’s why it was so numb? Hell if I know.
I’m here at Robby’s and all these people are here and I am a pathetic, lonesome loser. They all went to the club and I’m just sitting here all alone at his house writing this. I want to go out with them and have a good time, but I’m just drained, I feel dead inside. Like I want to just sleep it all away. I feel so overwhelmed that I'm numb. Phone call - hold up. That's Jeremy so I guess he's coming into Boise (from Nampa) so I guess I'm going out whether I want to or not.
I miss you honey. Somethings missing in my life now and it is you. I feel like I'll never be the same neither will life. Either way I love you and what we shared. You're the most amazing person I've ever met and ever will - until we meet again. Love you for all eternity, your Baby Girl xoxoxo
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