Our Phone Call (Dream)

Thanks for the dream last night, I didn't get to see you but hearing your voice does something for me too. Maybe it was more the feeling of hope that makes me feel good about it. I was in training in CDA and I was walking to my hotel to check in.....you called and you were all complaining about spending a lot of money at Ross, because you were outfitting your trailer and getting ready to go fly the next day. It was just like you bought a new trailer and you needed everything for it; bedding, dishes, etc - you didn't tell me that but from our conversation you were just upset because you had spent so much to get ready for you flying. We got a bad connection and I kept saying honey, honey and it was really scratchy and we couldn't hear each other. I was walking with ------ and after we got cut off I looked over at her and I said, "Ya know what's weird, but I swear to God this is real - I know ----- is dead, but that was him who called, it showed up as his name on my cell phone when it rang, his number and that was his voice and he was talking about flying and he's here in town." I don't remember her saying much, next thing I know we are checking in to the Ramada (I think) and after I got my room number I called you back and you answered! I was so surprised and right away you said "can i call you back" but I wanted to hurry to tell you I was in CDA and to come stay with me - then you said "i have --- on the line and he's going nutz" and then somehow he said something again, but this time it was my dad. then you said "you were mad cuz the ship (helicopter) had hot wheels (whatever that's supposed to mean) and it creamed out Jesus" then you told me "i'm done, i'm not flying anymore" then you said i gotta go, but i said "really quick honey, i'm in CDA at the Ramada, do you want to come stay with me?" i can't remember what you said but you acted like we were a couple who was broke up and that it wouldn't be a good idea to see each other and i reassured you, honey, we don't have to do anything - you don't have to stay or anything, more than anything i just want to see you. it's vague here, but i think you said something to the effect that don't worry we'll see each other, maybe not now because you were busy, but we really needed to talk. you were just kind of reassuring me that we will get together so we can talk, but it might not happen that night. during this whole phone conversation i was waaaaay up high on this bridge of sorts except it only went halfway over the top of this canyon with a big river and waterfall below it, so i was walking along it talking to you on the phone. ----- and some other guy were next to me, then i got to the edge and was "like whoa" cuz it was a looooong drop - that's when i turned around and started walking back the other way, it was also when i was trying to get away from ----- and that other guy so i could basically beg you to come visit me without them hearing me - i did get away from them to tell you to please come visit me - at that point i was overlooking this gym below me where people were shooting baskets, but it was like 300 feet below me, not a balcony - still like a big tall bridge. finally ----- and the guy caught back up to me and that was about the time you were telling me you didn't know if you could see me tonight, but we would cuz we had to talk about something....after that my dream just fades away and i wake up.

so now i feel weird. i can't explain how i feel after my dreams with you. confused maybe. they feel SO REAL that i wake up in a state of shock or disbelief because "omg, i talked to you" "omg, he's alive" i swear, imagine if it was real life and all that happened. how i would feel - shock, disbelief, happiness, confused, skeptical, elation ...... a bunch of emotions, i think all of those are running through me right now. i just can't tell you how real they feel - i almost feel like i've been thrown back into this real world and i'm a foreigner. like my dream was real, and what i'm in right now is a dream - yeah, that's it, that's exactly how i feel. i'm in a weird funk, fog right now. i still feel like i can continue my dream and i should hop in my car and go find you, or i should pick up the phone and call you and finish our conversation. so that's it hon - my dream with you. i wish i could've seen you, but maybe this is how it's supposed to be now, you are easing me into a transition where we don't see each other - only feel/hear each other???? i don't know, there's no point in over analyzing this. i just feel kinda at peace/ease now, even if it's only for a moment - it is. so i love you soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much and hearing your voice was just nice. really nice, i'll take what i can get. i love you for the rest of time honey. miss you too. xoxoxoxo forever!!