No One Sees These Tears

I just watched a show on PBS about depression...a kid says he can see hope in his future and I cry because I can't and I don't ever believe I will. I envision our house & me in it ALONE....and I don't ever see it any other way. I will never love again & I will never share my life with anyone ever again. My depression is knowing I will never experience what we had again...not until I make it to Heaven. I lay here and cry....and it's okay, I don't want to be around people because when I'm around people I can't cry & I can't show my true emotions....I have to keep them pushed in. I hate that, it drives me nuts and I HAVE to get away. Today in class, the teacher said 'when do most people cry?' ... the answer is when they feel safe. Wow, I can't believe I never thought of that...it's true. I cry when I'm alone. Me being here in Missoula is a good thing, I NEED this, I need to be alone. I need to focus on you...on me ... on us. Anyhow, it's okay for me to lay here and cry. I love you honey and these tears that no one will ever see are for you. And maybe you can see them....you are all that matters to me in this world....I love you honey. I miss you every minute of every day. xoxox Babygirl