Miss The Old Days

I miss the days when you & I were together. And next I miss the yrs right after you died & I lived in --------. I made a mistake leaving & now I wish I was back. I'd take my old house, my old living arrangement & all that sweet stuff. I miss getting on that stupid satellite internet & writing you heart felt letters of how much pain I was in .. aggh don't miss that ... but just still the connection & closeness I felt with you.
Now it's so different, I still feel so close to you but in a completely different way. I KNOW you are with me, around me, near me .. whatever u wanna say. When I start thinking about you or get sad about stuff going on in regards to losing you, you ALWAYS have a song come on the radio that meant so much to us. Seriously, what are the odds that these random songs come out of the blue right when I'm feeling you most. I don't have to write every example (but I should). You know all the times those songs come on. It's so inspiring to me & makes me have one of those hurt smiles. Like I'm smiling cuz I know u are so close to me & sensing what I'm feeling BUT it's kind of sad cuz I know you are so close & you can see/feel me, but I can't see you & I miss that!!!
Well hon, I got two tickets to the Cougar game but I don't have anyone to ask ... well, I could call a couple people at the last minute but for some reason I just want to go by myself tonight. The best case scenario would be if you were here to go!
Finally, I'm so, so nervous about work & not being in good enough shape, please guide me to what to do & please give me the focus I need to get it done & to stay off of this computer all day!!! UGH, it pisses me off I waste my day away on here, but I do it, day in & day out. I want to start hiking ------ & running 6 miles & doing both of those things faaaast. I need to do all that dumb cross fit crap too .. just air squats, situps, pushups, burpees & pullups. I just don't want to die when we have PTs ... please help me. I will continue to pray to God & read the Bible .. which by the way I am enjoying. I could never, ever get into it & I've tried several times, but this time, wow, I'm loving it & look fwd to it every night!
I love you so, so much honey. Hey, I have to go, but I'll write more later cuz I LOVE YOU SOOOOOO MUCH!!! ;-)