Gorgeous

Just wanted you to know, no matter how sad I seem, you always are still so beautiful and gorgeous to me. It scares me that I will never find another you. I can't imagine anyone as beautiful as you. You were the complete package...for realz...you had it all. Finding another you will not be possible, so sometimes it sucks thinking about what could've been and that I'm gonna have to live the rest of my life alone. Please know you were the most precious thing that ever came into my life and it tears me up to know that we aren't a part of each others lives again. I know you're waiting for me in Heaven and that's what makes it all the much harder. I don't want to live here for 60+ yrs. all alone, just waiting to be with you. I want to be with you now. I suppose my next life lesson to learn is going to be patience.

I ran outside the other morning and it was cold. It reminded me of last spring when I'd run in --- and come home to you and it would be all cold, but you would be there and it would be warm in your apt. and I'd be sweating as soon as I walked in and I'd try to hug you but you wouldn't want any part of touching me...haha...and I'd get those funny kisses from you and I swear your lips were stretched like a foot just so no other part of you would have to touch me, but what was cool is that you still kissed me no matter how sweaty I was. Then I had oatmeal for breakfast thasmornin' and it once again reminded me of us having breakfast up there together this spring...we'd both work out and share our bowls of oatmeal. I really miss that. It's so little but it meant so much. Then I was driving home from --- yesterday (and today) and I looked up at the ridge north of the --- and I remember before we even started going out and we were flying back from the ---- unit and the sun was setting and we saw so many animals along the ridge. The setting was absolutely beautiful and what's funny is it's a memory with you. Regardless if we ever would've gotten together, I would've always remembered that moment in my life as being something really beautiful. Is it any surprise you were with me....I should've known then. Isn't it amazing we were sharing memories and moments together before we even "knew". It was a sign, I had so many memories and good times with you flying that spring. We didn't even know then, but looking back we knew. It just took 'til the summer. I know it was all me, I had my blinders on, but if I would've been looking we could've been together sooner. I guess we still got to share those moments together, that's what's important. Honey I miss you so much and I would give absolutely anything in the whole world to see your pretty face again. Or just touch you or see your smile. It's amazing the love I have for you, it's scary that it will never die and I'm gonna have to live with this for the rest of my life. I love you honey, please don't forget about me...please. I want to see you again when I die. I love you always...absolutely always and forever! xoxoxoxo