My Angel

honey i'm feeling real tired these days. i feel like i'm in some sort of rut that i can't get out of. i try to smile for people and be in a good mood but it's all fake. i just really miss you. i really want you back. i want to talk to you. i want to hug you. i just miss you so much. i can't believe you're gone. i am so lost without you. i'm so empty without you. i'm finding it so hard to care about anything. i want so bad to just quit work and do nothing. it does nothing for me. i'm so tired of going to work with a smile and pretending like it's all ok. i'm tired of putting on a happy face. fuck everyone, this fucking sucks and i hate every minute of it. i want to be with you. i don't want to be here. i'm am so, so tired. it's been a long 5 months (gonna be five months). only 5 months, i keep waiting for this to be a nightmare. i wait for it to be all over. i don't want to face people, i'm just so, so tired of being strong. i'm so tired of pretending to be happy. i'm so tired of faking a smile. i feel like a zombie. i don't want to see anyone or talk to anyone. i have to go back to work tomorrow and i really, really don't want to. i want to just fall into your arms and cry. please take this all away. i want you back so bad. you're the only one who knew me. you were so perfect. it hurts. it hurts so bad. it hurts a lot. i'm tired of the pain, i want it all to go away. i'm tired of being sad honey. so many memories, they don't stop. just like words couldn't explain the love i felt for you, the same holds true for the pain i feel. no words can describe the hurt inside. this is something that i don't wish upon anyone in the whole world. people just don't understand either. i feel like they all think it's ok. well it's not, it's awful, it's so awful, it's almost unbearable. i want to just give up. i don't know what i'd do instead or where i'd go. if i could just leave this earth and go be with you. you're all i want. you're all i need. you really are. i have no solution, i'll try not to be so sad, but i really can't help it. i'm just so numb. i'm trying to turn to god but it just makes me want to leave this earth all the more. i want to go to heaven right now. i want to be with you. i want to be with grandma. i want to be with my uncle ---, ---, ---, ---. my great grandmas and grandpas. my grandpa --- and my grandpa --- and my grandpa i never knew, ---. i want to be there. i don't know how to get my mind right. i wish you were here so bad. i just want this all to go away and i don't know how. i need you honey, i really do. you were my soul mate, there is no doubt. you were the person i was going to grow old with. we were supposed to grow old together. be together forever and ever. wow, this hurts. so, so bad. i guess i'll go, i don't know what else to say...words can't describe this pain....no point in trying. i love and miss you so, so much. i can't wait to see you in heaven. please don't forget about me. so, so much love - your baby girl. xoxox you're beautiful my angel.