I Want You Back

I want you back so bad. It's so hard to think that I had my only true love - and you've come and gone. You were my one for my whole life. Knowing I have to get used to this life alone and most importantly with no hope of ever having anyone in my life ever again. At least before I met you, I was content....either someone will come along or they won't and I'll be fine for the rest of my life. But now there's no choice....you came along and now you're gone. I have no choice in this matter anymore, I am alone for the rest of my life. You were the one. I have to come to grips with being alone without you for the rest of my life. That's just some of the reason why this is so hard.

So many things still remind me of you....all day, every day. I guess I'm just getting tired of writing about all of them to you. It's the same every day. I look at cards when I go to town just cuz I wanna buy you one and send it to you, to let you know how much I love you and how absolutely beautiful you are. But I just look at them. We should be going to the Caribbean Islands right about now (Oct./Nov.) for our honeymoon. What the hell, honey, I'm supposed to be married right now. Look at me, look at my life. I'm in some lame job, living in ---- all by myself. I know there's a reason...I don't question it. It's God. I just read the other day (I wish I copied the quote), that God only tests those that are following in his footsteps....just like he did with Jesus. So that means I'm doing damn well cuz he's tested me a lot in this life.

I'm excited to get laid off. I have a lot of catholic books I'd like to read. I just wanna read and read and read. I still think of giving it all up and becoming a nun. Or some religious person. I just want a religious simple life. Really what I want is you by my side....so, so bad. I am full of so much pain without you in my life. I want you back honey. I'm mainly afraid that I will have to wait a long, long time to see you again. When all I want is to see you now. I'm so afraid it won't happen soon enough. I'm afraid time will go on and I might forget about our sweet memories and how good I had it. Or time will go on (and even worse) you will forget about me. That would crush my heart, if I made it to Heaven and I meant nothing to you. I'm afraid I will always have a huge void in my life and I'll never be able to recover from this. I just wish you would walk through that door right now and make this all go away. Here is a song from Mat Kearney called Wait.

I'll will wait for you for the rest of my life. Will you please wait for me?

The wind hit my back, cold as I remember
And caught me off guard, in the middle of December
Sometimes a crowded room, can feel the most alone
Sometimes I wonder why, I wont pick up the phone when

Chorus
This wall is glaring and it's too high for me to climb
I've ran and ran and now there's nothing left behind
I see a picture of a broken man inside
I've tried and tried and now there's nothing left but time
And I'll wait for you, I'll wait for you alone
And I'll wait for you , I'll wait for you alone

Together we fly tonight
And I leave all of the rest behind
I'll wait for you
These hands can feel like theyre not even mine
A tree and a nail and a cry in the night
Sometimes a little step is the greatest divide
Sometimes I feel your breath right at my side when

Chorus
This wall is glaring and it's too high for me to climb
I've ran and ran and now there's nothing left behind
I see a picture of a broken man inside
I've tried and tried and now there's nothing left but time
And I'll wait for you, I'll wait for you alone
And I'll wait for you , I'll wait for you alone

Here I am at the edge of the road
One hand on the end of the rope
One crack and it breaks alone
Wondering who's gonna take me home
On my knees when you call my bluff
Begging please from the edge of the ruff
And I know when I've had enough, and I know it, and I know it
I see a picture of a broken man inside
I've tried and tried and now there's nothing left but time
And I'll wait for you, I'll wait for you alone
And I'll wait for you , I'll wait for you alone
Wait here stay here say youre the only
One I need I know and I'm holding
Together we will fly tonight
And leave all of the rest behind
I'll wait for you

I love you with all my heart and soul. Remember you have my heart as Iong as I shall live. I think about you ALL the time. You still consume me - just as if you were here. You're all I need in this life. All my love forever, your baby girl. xoxoxox