Bereavement study: homework assignment 3

Homework assignment 3

In this third writing task we would like you to describe helpful and unhelpful thoughts you might be having with respect to the loss of your partner. By helpful thoughts we mean thoughts that make it easier for you to deal with your grief. By unhelpful thoughts we mean negative thoughts that make it harder for you to come to terms with your sorrow. Helpful and unhelpful thoughts very often concern the way you think about yourself, your grief, your life, and the future. Below we will provide you with some examples of helpful and unhelpful thoughts by way of illustration.

helpful thought concerning yourself: I still have a lot to offer to other people.

unhelpful thought concerning yourself: Since my partner died, I am no good to anyone.

helpful thought concerning your grief: I can handle my grief even though it hurts very much.

unhelpful thought concerning your grief: If I let my emotions go, I will go crazy.

helpful thought concerning your life: My life has purpose, even though my partner has died.

unhelpful thought concerning your life: Since my partner died, my life is meaningless.

helpful thought concerning the future: It might take some time, but I am convinced things will get better.

unhelpful thought concerning the future: In the future I will never be really happy again.

We would like to ask you to try to identify helpful as well as unhelpful thoughts you might be having with respect to the loss of your partner. Please describe these thoughts, as well as the way these thoughts make you feel. When describing unhelpful thoughts try to think of and describe helpful thoughts they can be replaced with.

This task was hard for me because I don't believe I have any unhelpful thoughts. I've thought long and hard and what I can come up with is; Myself - I am an awesome person. I am confident always, successful, pretty, funny, smart and very personable. Tons have guys have always wanted to date me and I can take my pick of who I want, that has never been a problem. It's just that none were ever good enough until I met ----. :) I am great at my job, I have a better family than most people could even imagine, I'm known as the girl with friends all over the U.S. and having connections everywhere. Everything I've ever wanted I've achieved or gotten, not because I'm spoiled, far from it, but because I work very hard, so ----'s death doesn't change anything about myself. I still have all those qualities. I can't think of any unhelpful thoughts about me. I might be down about what has happened, but to me that is natural and I will heal on my time. I don't let it effect any of my relationships with friends, family, co-workers, job, etc. Grief - I have to agree with the above statement, "I can handle my grief even though it hurts very much." In fact, being Catholic, I want to suffer so I can offer it up to the souls in Purgatory, so the more I suffer the better. Let the Lord bring the pain because I will not be broken. I am very strong and yes, my grief does hurt very much, but that is only between me, ---- & the Lord above. I won't let other people see how much my grief hurts. It doesn't have to effect how I live my life. Life - Yes, my life has a purpose, but I have no clue what it is. I have always known that God has a plan for us and it wasn't until -----'s death that I've really realized how powerless we are with God's plan. I've always been one to let the chips fall where they may, God will sort it out and -----'s death has reinforced that. I don't sweat the outcome of my life or where I will end up. I have no control over my life, I just go with the flow and let God dictate everything. He gives me gut feelings and instincts. So, while, I may hate what has happened in my life with regards to God taking the only man I have ever loved, I have to accept it as God's will. God has a plan, I don't have to like it, only accept it. I don't think my life is meaningless, I just don't know the meaning and probably none of us ever will until we get to Heaven. Future - My thoughts about the future haven't changed too much about since -----'s death. I've never sweated the future, why? We could die tomorrow. I have always thought that, even before ----. I live for today; in the moment. I don't worry about my future. I have a well paying job, a lot of friends, great family and my retirement package and benefits have me set up for my future. I focus on things that will last like family and friends. If I lose my job, who cares, I'm smart and can get another one, if I lose my house, that's okay too, I have land to build one on. If I lose my land that's okay, I have family or friends all over to stay with and if I lose my family and friends I always have God when it's all said and done. So whatever happens, my future will be just fine. To me, nothing can be worse than losing -----, so I feel I will never experience this kind of pain again. I suppose if that changes and I do experience this kind of pain again, I will have good practice and I believe my coping skills are far better than most. I am convinced about only one thing in my future and I don't believe it is an unhelpful thought although others may argue, but I know me best and I know it is true. That is I will never be with any man ever again. It took me 30 years to find ----- and if I ever had any thoughts or inclinations that someone better might be out there I would have never said "yes" when he asked me to marry him. So that to me is a fact and I am still exploring the possibility of becoming a sister/nun. So take that thought as what you will, but I have no desire to be with anyone ever again. This life is short and it won't be long until we'll all be up above in Heaven; very happy!!