A letter from my mom. I'm not sure really what to add except I have thought God brought you into my life so you could find him through me. Or He brought me into your life. Anyhow, I've thought that a time or two, but I would also like to think it was more than that. I don't feel like our relationship was fulfilling some purpose only, we had more than that. We were connected, there was a connection there that was unreal. I could've brought God into your life without being in love with you (or vice versa). Plus Lee is the one who ignited the spark, we talked about it, but it wasn't until that day when you came home from the gym that you really started asking questions and being interested. I put the seed in your head and Lee "watered" it.
I sure miss you and my only hope in life is just being with you again. I want it to happen so soon. I think about you a lot. Especially this time of year with work. Everyone is talking about Scott and 48U. I think screw Scott and 48U, I'm so tired of hearing about him. I hate him and I don't even know him. That makes me mad. All the talk about PSD and helitorch crap makes me mad and I just wish people would shut up about it around me. I had to go to ------ once and I fought back tears all day. I think back to all the times we were in the helicopter together doing PSD and all the beautiful flights we took. I hate my memories. Why do people think they are special? They make me hurt, hurt, hurt and hurt more. I think about you all the time though honey. I will be single forever and I look forward and enjoy my faithfulness to you. There will never be another. I am getting a tattoo of a cross with your name over my heart. I'm going to do that over Memorial weekend, the day we were supposed to get married. Which reminds me I need to surf the net and get some ideas for some crosses. I love you honey and that's forever, it will NEVER go away. You will always be my heart!! Love you forever, for all my eternity, your Babygirl
I wanted to share with you my conversation I got into with my friend on the bus. 3 of us were just normal chit chatting with one topic leading to another which ended up talking about kids. It ended up with John talking about his son and for some reason mentioned it was his son’s second marriage at age 26 and that the son’s first wife died suddenly of a heart attack 5 years ago, (no one had a clue she had heart problems so it was a real shock), and he was telling me how hard her death was for him (John). At this time I really began to listen because his experience was mirroring my experience with -----’s death, he said even tho he dearly loved his daughter in law he found himself grieving for his son more than the daughter in law and didn’t think a lot of people really understood that. I knew what he meant because that is what had happened to me and told him. We both agreed that as a parent this is something that we could not fix or make better for our child and it was so hard to accept that it couldn’t be done. He went onto say how she was her son’s perfect angel, the one he had waited for and were completely compatible and to me that was like you and ------. John and his family are a religious family where at first the son’s wife was not but she also accepted God, just as ------- did. The whole scenario was so like ours but in reverse. John said he thought God brought her into his son’s life so the son could bring her into God’s life because it was time for her to go and God wanted her with him. I also thought the same with ----- that you were his angel and brought God into his life because it was his time and God wanted him with him. It was kind of eerie to hear basically the same event happening with John. Peace be with us all.
I wanted to share with you my conversation I got into with my friend on the bus. 3 of us were just normal chit chatting with one topic leading to another which ended up talking about kids. It ended up with John talking about his son and for some reason mentioned it was his son’s second marriage at age 26 and that the son’s first wife died suddenly of a heart attack 5 years ago, (no one had a clue she had heart problems so it was a real shock), and he was telling me how hard her death was for him (John). At this time I really began to listen because his experience was mirroring my experience with -----’s death, he said even tho he dearly loved his daughter in law he found himself grieving for his son more than the daughter in law and didn’t think a lot of people really understood that. I knew what he meant because that is what had happened to me and told him. We both agreed that as a parent this is something that we could not fix or make better for our child and it was so hard to accept that it couldn’t be done. He went onto say how she was her son’s perfect angel, the one he had waited for and were completely compatible and to me that was like you and ------. John and his family are a religious family where at first the son’s wife was not but she also accepted God, just as ------- did. The whole scenario was so like ours but in reverse. John said he thought God brought her into his son’s life so the son could bring her into God’s life because it was time for her to go and God wanted her with him. I also thought the same with ----- that you were his angel and brought God into his life because it was his time and God wanted him with him. It was kind of eerie to hear basically the same event happening with John. Peace be with us all.
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