Life

Hey hon. I'm so busy I'm not sure if I've written to you about this. So I've been writing you letters for what? 1 year and 2 months now. 340 letters. Haha, that's love huh? Okay, so I do it for me and no one else. I don't know why I even put them in a blog. Maybe someone else who has lost a loved one can read what I go through and maybe they can see what they are going through is "normal" because someone else has the same feelings. I don't know, I just put it in a blog. Maybe cuz it's the "hip" thing to be doing....having your own blog. hah. So not only do I fill up your email account with tons of letters, I put them on the web for everyone to read. So my intent was just a way to keep talking to you and it just happened to be email/blog. I never cared if anyone in the whole world ever read this blog, but someone has. It's been over one year and one person in this whole world has stumbled across it. So what are the odds that this one person lives in Dayview and not only that, but owns the place where the crew was staying. That blows my mind, yet it doesn't. To me it's God working in yet another amazing way. Isn't that crazy hon? This is an exert: I am praying tonight for someone I have never met, I don't even know her name. I came upon her blog last night. It was linked to the word Dayville because her husband died a year ago in a helicopter crash while logging just outside of town. The logging crew was staying at our place and we hadn't met this pilot, he was just filling in so the regular pilot could have a rest. This women writes anonymously and she is so deep in grief it is really heart wrenching. Her blog address is http://bluleader.blogspot.com if you care to visit it and pray for her too.
On top of that what I find ironic is I wish everyday that I could die so I could be with you. As I was running a week or so ago I was thinking, how awesome would it be for me to get diagnosed with some terminal disease. Or get cancer and only have 3 months to live or 6 months or whatever. I would celebrate, get no treatment whatsoever and count down the days to be with you. Look how the person who views my blog has cancer and to them it's horrible (which it is). And here I am wishing it could happen to me. I guess it's funny when you got something to live for, you wanna live, but when your something to live for is in Heaven, you can't get there fast enough. Isn't it funny how people view the same thing so different. I obviously don't want to downplay cancer, anyone who has it and their pain associated with it, no doubt it's something so awful. I'm just saying, one person views it as something terrible, while I'd be in those shoes in a second if given the opportunity. Life is interesting. Well, the nice thing is this person has said a prayer for me (maybe more) and even typed the name of the blog in there. Not that advertisement of the blog is important, but it was nice and the prayer was even nicer. There are some nice people out there, so if you can work some magic up there and help out our Dayview person, you should. Send a memo to God or something, would ya? :) Just like I would do anything to eliminate the pain of this, their pain runs just as deep and any prayers or help to end their suffering would help. I love you honey. You're always on my mind and you'll always be my one & only. On a side note tomorrow is our wedding anniversary. I've called --- and she says the church is always open, so I want to go there and just walk down that aisle and imagine how you, "the most beautifullest man in the world" would have looked. I will bawl my eyes out, but I would've anyway, so it will be just like we were getting married. After that I'm going to go check on our property, probably write you a nice wedding anniversary letter while I'm there and finally head to ---. I have an appt. to get my tattoo at 2. I'm kind of nervous, only because I want it to be so perfect like you. This will have a lot of meaning for me and if it's not good, I'll be really disappointed. Once it's done though, I'm already imaging looking at it in admiration forever. I can't wait. I've tried calling ---, but no answer and no return call. Who knows where --- has taken her??? Our poor little angel, I shudder to think of what could be happening or where she could be. I pray so hard for her to be okay. And I hope she never thinks I don't love her since I can't talk to her as much as I'd like. I hope she never thinks I don't care or love her. She needs me and I need her. I love her so much, I just hope she knows that. I could tell her over and over, but I just hope she knows how much I really do. Actions speak louder than words and it's kind of hard to show her when her mom disappears with her. :( I trust that the man upstairs has it all under control and only he can see the big picture in this, so I try to have faith, yet it's still hard to not worry about poor lil' ---. Okay, I'm going to call it a night or maybe download a new CD or two and just chill. I love you more than anything in this whole world and I can't wait to see you again!! Just one hug would be worth leaving this earth. I can't wait!! Love you forever and ever my honey bunny. Your chicky poo baby girl. :)