Who Killed --------?

What a day. I need you hon. You have been on my mind all day. A quick run down of my day starting with the most recent: ----- just called me ...... finally. 2 months of phone calls to him!! He told me all about his situation in Tempe. That boy! I hang up the phone with ---- and I start crying. I think to myself. Why do I care so much. If I didn't care so much it wouldn't hurt. I know if I tell everyone at work his real situation, they will say to get rid of him. They don't want to mess with that kind of stuff. I'm the only one that will go to bat for that kid. This opportunity here is what will keep him straight, that's been proven the last five years. He was also ready to cry. He told me and I could hear it in his voice. I have never heard or seen him cry and he's had all sorts of friends, cousins and family die on the streets of D.C. I know I can't do anything for him, but pray and pray and pray. I know God's will will be done and all I can do is sit back and watch this play out. I want so bad for him to get back up here. This has scared the daylights out of him. I know him better than anyone and there is no doubt he is scared, hurting and desperate to get out of there. Sigh. So now in the meantime I have to figure out what I'm going to tell work, so they will wait another week for him. They are going to know I talked to him and want to know what's up. I'll be thinking and praying on that one tonight!
Our one year anniversary is coming up this weekend. If you were still alive we would be married, we would living in our new house, we would have custody of -----. We would've had it all. I'm going to our church this weekend and I'll peek in the window and envision what it would've been like to see you walking down that aisle. Even before you died, I pictured how it would all be and even then I cried because my vision of you walking down that aisle and us being joined under the covenant of God was the most beautiful thing I could've ever imagined on this earth. So I know when I peek in our church I will cry for what I only imagined, I can't even cry for what it was. Then I'll go to our property and check on your tree and make sure it's getting plenty of water and looking good. It will be interesting to see how they've developed around our property. I so look forward to the day when I can afford to build a small humble home on there. Someday honey, I will do it. I promise. Last I'll get a tattoo of a cross with "many blessed memories" KDG 67-06. Right over my heart. Many blessed memories will be in latin, I just can't remember off the top of my head how to spell that "Beatiade Memoriae" or something like that.
I talked to your mom today. It never fails, we always start talking about how great you were and we make each other cry. We laugh because we make each other cry. It's sad talking to your mom. I feel like we are two lost souls searching. She understands me and I understand her. She is the only one I can talk to about the way I feel or the things I do. As she is with me. She can only tell me now as I'm the "only one she has" (her words).
I talked to your dad. He really enjoyed the photo album I made for him. He only had two pictures of you and they were both old. One was of you topping a tree in Alaska. He said you had just broken your leg and he had told you over the phone, "you better not be up in those trees, let your leg heal" You assured him you were letting it heal and a week later he gets that picture of you. You always were so stubborn and driven. You had to be the best at everything! You're awesome!! Anyhow, your poor dad, we can't have your dad having only two pictures, so I made him a really nice album with over a hundred pictures of you. :) Apparently he heard that ---- and ---- are on the run. I should say ----. Poor ---- is just along for the ride. That poor girl. How can her world be so cruel? I would give anything to save our little angel. Even though I know God has a plan, why does it still feel so unfair. Ya' know I need you and your mom needs you, but we need you in a selfish way. I look at ---- and she NEEDS you. She really needs her dad. Sometimes I can't even cry for me when I think of poor -----. She is the one who needs you so much. It's such a dumb question and I know better to ask it, but why did God take you from her. Not me, not your mom, not your dad, but why ----. How can he leave her with nothing but negative when she's so young and has special needs. How can he leave her with an abusive mother? I know, but still I just have to ask. I can't imagine what you must think when you look down on what's happening to her. That poor girl. But then again, we all know that God has a plan for her and she has a purpose. It's just so hard to be so helpless and watch her mom do everything she can to set her up for failure.
Today we sawed out roads. I had my hoodie pulled tight around my face and apparently I looked like ----- on South Park. Little did the rookies know that your name is ---- or even that you existed in my life. They might not even know yet. Anyhow, they were saying, you look like ----. Who killed ----? Who killed -----? Ya know the famous line from the show. I mean, I don't blame them, they don't know about you or if they do, they don't know your name, so how are they to know what they are saying hits way close to home. Yeah, you're probably looking down laughing. Still, yet another moment I think of you. All day, every day.
Well, I am absolutely beat. I need to catch up on some sleep. I hope I can dream about you soon, it's been awhile hon. Those dreams always give me a much needed second wind. As always, I love you more than anything ever and I love you always and forever n ever n ever n ever!! Your babygirl. :D