One Year & 11 Months

I talked to ---- tonight, for just a very little bit. Why does God do the things he does? Why does she have to be in an environment like that? If only things were different. It's crazy to think she should be in a nice house, going to a good school right now, probably with a nanny or tutor to help her with her disability and with a real family who loves her and meets her needs. Basically, all the tools she needs to be successful. Instead she is in a hell hole where she is surrounded by drugs and alcohol. She is "sad" and/or "lonely" all the time on her myspace page. Grandma -------- told me she is having to go to counseling now because she is really depressed. Why? Seriously, how can this happen to such a sweet, little innocent girl? How can CPS not know what is going on? How come no one in the school says anything. This is so unfair? Do you look down on your angel and see what is going on? Do you really know or are you happy in Heaven leaving it all up to God, because it is his will? Do you feel helpless watching this all take place (if you even see it) or do you see the big picture and know that ------ will be okay in the end? It breaks my heart and brings a tear to my eye to think of poor little -----. I feel tremendous guilt not being able to "save" her. What do I do?

So it's almost been two years, I look over at your picture right now & it seems SOOOO long ago. For realz, so, so long ago. I miss you. I really do. I guess I get kind of upset (last time I wrote you)...I don't know why? Probably because I want this all to have never happened....I want it all to go away. You; everything, but then again I don't ever want to forget you. How can I? You were the best thing that ever happened to me and the best thing that ever will. I'm not a fool, no one like you will ever come into my life again. At least I can come to terms with that and be okay with it. I'm not sad about it, it's just the facts. That's okay though. I honest to God would do it all over again, even knowing I'd never find another as good as you. The experience I had with you was so Heavenly and it was the happiest time EVER in my whole life. How can I be upset at that. It's just over now; it's gone, but that's okay.

Anyway, one more month and two years, wow. I wanted to get back into the habit of writing you on your anniversary. I'm sorry I fell off, I never meant for it to go that far. I won't leave you again honey, I promise. I love you forever and ever my K-dub. I MISS YOU!!!