You Did It

I wrote you 3 days ago and in it I talked about lifes struggles, getting ahead and in the end it doesn’t even matter what you had. So why struggle your whole life to gain, gain, gain. I’d like to add to that. Not only achieving to gain wealth, prosperity but what about your reputation. Why care about what people think about you. Case in point; just today I talked to your "friend", -----, somehow we get on the subject of your past and people not being able to realize people change. One guy had commented to --- that you were just a piece of shit. I’m sorry honey, I’m sorry that people are so naive that they can’t see that people are young and that people make mistakes and all people change.
Ya know some people are all too willing to tell me how crappy your past was and that you weren’t perfect and you fucked up and you did this bad thing and that bad thing. Well, honey, these so called bad things I heard weren’t bad to me at all. They were things that all of us have done in one form or another in our younger days, in our stupid days. I’ve done extremely stupid things in my past as you well know, but my past does not define me. As with you. You know I’m so non-judgemental. I try to take people for what they are. Accept them for their good and bad. To see the good in all people. Anyway, honey I fell in love with you, your goods and your faults. Although in my mind you had no faults. Sure you did some things in your past, but that’s just what it was, your past. Why do people bring it up (----). Who cares, I really don’t care what you did in your past. The ---- I loved for the past 3 years was the ---- I loved. Not --- from 10 years ago, 15 years ago, 20 years ago. Everyone who knew you during that time said you had changed so much. The transformation was amazing. Well, I never got to see this transformation. I saw the transformed. And the transformed was the most amazing man I’ve ever met. You were absolutely amazing. Honey, if you weren’t proud of yourself for the changes you made, you should be. I don’t know where you came from or how far you came. I can get an idea from all you’ve told me, from just seeing who you were married to, from comments (good and bad) from people. I can start to see that yes, you did come a long way. I am proud of you. I am sooo proud of you. I’ve said this before. You did it. Whatever it takes to fulfill your purpose on this earth (in God’s eyes). You did it! I wish I knew what all you did. I can reflect on you. Study you and I know how you were and what you did, but you were so perfect. Isn’t it amazing, I was with the perfect man. God perfected you and when he was done, he took you. You had an uncanny ability to attract people. You were so open to all people, you were so nice to all people. You attracted people. People liked you. Everyone who met you liked you. You NEVER talked bad about people. Even people who did a lot of bad things. You rolled with the punches, you never complained. You just shut your mouth and worked so hard. You really tried to make everyone in your life happy. You wanted those around you to be happy. You were such a great provider for me, --- and ---. You wanted the best for us all and you tried your hardest. I’ve gotten off on many tangents, but the point I wanted to make was, you can change so much and be the best person in the world and there are people out there that will never change their opinion of you. They have labeled you. In your case, you’ve always just been a piece of shit, according to this particular guy. What hurts me is that this person has made an awful mistake. If they only knew the ---- I knew, not the ----- of years ago. I’m sorry honey that some people still think that. I know it doesn’t effect you now and you probably don’t care. It just goes to show that you can work and work so hard to become this successful person. You can strive to be the best. The best father, the best husband, the best person, the best pilot, the best provider and you can still be nothing to people. So it proves to me something I’ve held true for a long time. You will never please everybody, so why strive to make others happy. Why strive to be this or that. Why do things to prove others wrong (or right). I learned that years back and people can call me selfish, but when I make decisions now I think of only me. What do I want? What will make me happy? I don’t make decisions anymore based on other people. This just affirms that. You worked so hard. So, so hard and you did it. You became someone so perfect, you would have amazed all those people who knew you. Those who were blind to what you have become….screw them. It’s their loss for never getting the opportunity to know such a beautiful soul. Honey, I thank you for showing me the way to perfection. Thank you for showing me how to live a rightful life. Believe me I watched and I took notes. I hope to be not far behind you. I admire you, your strength and your beauty. I can’t believe how lucky I was to have been touched by you. Thanks for sharing part of your life with me. I love you honey. You are beautiful. Love you always and forever, your baby girl. xoxoxooxox

Just Sittin Here Passing Time

Just sittin here at ---- café passing the time. I really don’t know why I download all this music, I can’t possibly listen to it all. I think I know the real reason why I do this. It keeps my mind occupied on something I’m interested in….music. So I can sit at this computer all day and my mind goes blank and/or numb. It takes my mind off of you or maybe just reality. So I sit here all day…I mean really, all day. That’s a long ass time. Think of all the other things I could be doing instead. Productive things. I suppose I’d rather just let my mind be occupied by some mindless task which is exactly what this is. I have 5 more minutes before my last download finishes and then I will start your computer back up again. Yeah, it’s your computer I’m using. First time I’ve used it in a long time, I figure it’s less cluttered than my computer right now. I think my hard drive is almost full so it’s time to save it all to disk and start over….nawmeen. I’ve sent myself some emails from you. I really wish they were from you. What is life? Yeah, I’m random. I feel like a zombie and like I’m in another world. OK, the download is over, I’ll save this to your desktop and restart your computer. I love you more than life. I'm back. Restarted your computer and my download speeds are way faster. I'm such a loser geek huh? This probably kills you, a man of action, to see me sitting on my ass all day doing basically absolutely nothing. Where will this help me in life? This is a waste of time I know. At least I could be reading some catholic book. My prayer book, the catechism book, the Bible....something. Please forgive me, someday I'll make a move and put this all behind me. I have a feeling it's an avoidance tactic. A way for me to avoid the pain. For now let me be I guess....don't know what else to do. I wish I knew more to write, I'll just ramble cuz I'm trying to waste time. I could write so much to you, but usually I have to be in a "mood" to write. Right now I'm not. I'm in no mood for anything. Sad, only to me. Still here, it's like 4:30 in the afternoon, getting dusk and I've been here since 9:30 thasmornin. Messed up thing is I'll be here 'til whenever than I'll probably go home and just get on the computer again. I'm kinda hungry, but screw it, I'm going for a fasting day. This will be for All Souls Day, it will be my fast for you. To show my devotion to you and the Lord. Tomorrow I go back to work, yipee skipee. I guess I'm not really feelin' it. Gotta meet with ----- and she was a different duck. How do you present not so zesty feedback to someone. I hate that kinda stuff. It's either go to work, which has been ok or stay at home and do ???? I got some things lined up. I just bought a VCR/DVD recorder combo. The plan is to turn all my VHS into DVD's, that will clear up more room and make them ezier to store and watch. That's one project. The other is of course just keep organizing my music. I could do that for a long ass time, that will always keep me busy. I guess that's the plan....I suppose that's why I do it, it's neverending and I will always have it to fall back on. The other project is me. I am going to work out damn good. I think I have a good start. I'm surprising myself on how dedicated I've been. I'm trying to eat good, run and lift. For the most part I'm doing all of it. Been pretty consistent which surprises me considering my state of mind. Besides working on me physically I am going to work on me spiritually. I have a whole load of catholic/religious books to read. I have a feeling come spring time I will be a whole new person. I'll probably be some religious freak that your mom warned you about. :) I really do feel like I am at the beginning of a transformation. Don't know what kind, but I'm taking my life more seriously. By that I mean I'm more aware of my actions and how they can effect other people, I'm more aware of how I treat people....still need to work on that, but I am trying to love everybody and be accepting of everybody, even big, fat ---. See I need to work on that. I'm more focused on becoming a better person for God. I am working on my acceptance into Heaven. I feel like I don't want to chance anything, I have to do the best I can so I can get into Heaven and have a place next to you. I will do everything in my power (and with the Lords help) to become a better person. At times I honestly wish I could give it all up, my job, my house, my money (that would be scary) just so I can fully commit myself to the Lord. I would love to join the equivalency of a monastary, whatever that is. Would that be a nun? I don't know but I could live without material things and focusing on a job so you can make money to live, to buy things. I just wanna wake up and be with the Lord all day. Pray, seclusion, study, reading, etc. See maybe I'm going overboard, I told you I might become one of those religious people. I wanna use the word freak for lack of a better word, but that seems so wrong...they're not freaks. Well, I'm getting kind of bored and thinking about going home now. Might as well don't got shit else to do. Nawmeen. Maybe I'll write ya later, maybe not. Love you my K-dub.

This is the passage you saw on the back of the other pilots flight helmet. Corey broke it on down for us, but I was reading up on this today and here some more to educate your mind. Don't know why I'm telling you, I'm sure you know everything now that you're up above. :)


Matthew 10:29-31
Glorious Heavenly Father,

Blessed be thy name, Lord. This world is an exquisite work of art created by you, the Master Craftsman. I behold it's glories and know that I am unworthy of such splendor. I stand humble and small beneath your bright blue sky, or in the shadow of just one of your mountains.
Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.So don’t be afraid;you are worth more than many sparrows.


In the vastness of this universe I am but one tiny speck, yet I am of great concern to you. I am just a speck, yet you listen when I speak. You answer my prayers. You deliver me from my fears. I am just a speck, yet every hair on my head is numbered.

You sent your son to suffer and die for my sins before I was even born. As he hung upon the cross, my name was on his lips. That is love beyond reckoning; the only unconditional love the world truly knows, for it out lasts death.

Holy Father, you are so grand my human mind cannot fully comprehend your majesty, but standing upon one of your mountains and looking down into one of your valleys I know, that in all of this glory you created, your plan for me is to be a masterpiece reflecting your boundless love. That, Lord, humbles me most of all.

Father, I ask for your continued patience and guidance as I strive to be the person you would have me be. Cleanse my heart and soul. Lift me up when I stumble. Because Jesus died for me, help me to live for him.

These things I ask in Jesus name, and for the sake of his coming kingdom. Amen.

I came across this and thought it was pretty cool.

TJ 16:45-46 45"Behold, there was a little bird that circled at great heights and sang, rejoicing about life, when a strong gust of wind came and made it waver. It then suddenly doubted its power to fly, plummeted down and was killed. 46Therefore, never doubt the power of your spirit and never doubt your knowledge and ability when logic proves to you the law of Creation in truth and correctness."

Just Like A Broken Leg

Just like a broken leg, a broken heart heals slowly and can’t stand much touching after the break. Right now I just need a while to see for myself how things will “live out” after the silence of your death has become a permanent part of my ongoing. These words represent the most important things I’m learning down where this valley is dark but where I’m hopeful there’s a light beyond and out ahead.
I’ve been called upon to shift very swiftly from the shock and numbness that first comes from such a disclosure to the task of now living with a degree of normalcy in the shadow of such enormity.
One of my challenges is to go on living. The Bible arranges life and thought in just that sequence. First, we are called upon to live passionately and openly and then to use our minds to try to understand and interpret what we have experienced. If I try to put under-standing before living of life everything freezes and I become immobilized. “Persons can put off making up their minds, but they cannot put off making up their lives.” The temptation to think life rather than live it is always a dead end street. Adam and Eve for instance. God spread the whole creation out before them like a banquet and invited them to participate fully; to live passionately. But instead of immersing themselves in life, they turned rather to the tree of knowledge of good and evil and lusted after it. Before they lived they wanted to know all the answers.
Why? is the question my mind ponders. To that question the Bible gives no answer, but it has challenged me to face up to the situation and move on into the darkness. If the Bible says anything about life, it is that the existence of ours is deep and complex and mysterious affair. Just as icebergs only show a fraction of themselves above the surface, so events are always more than they appear to be at first glance. More is going on in every moment than meets the eye, and the Bible always cautions us against pronouncing too quickly. You can’t always judge an event by its first appearance, any more than you can judge the content of a package by its wrapping. I need to be patient, I know. Something easier said than done. I need to let events run its course. God is not through with anything yet. Who knows what might unfold out of all this process. How do I know, finite as I am, the full import of events?
The Bible is right in warning us against living too much on the surface or by appearances only. It reminds us that despair is always presumptuous. How do we know what lies in the “Not Yet” or how some present “evil” may work itself out as a blessing in disguise. Despair is presumption, pure and simple, a going beyond what the facts at hand should warrant. Who am I to speak about what lies hidden out in the not-already-experienced? Rather than remaining neutral toward the possibilities of the future, I have grounds for hope in what God is.
Look at the Apostle’s Creed, “he suffered, died and was buried.” The only verb used to describe Jesus’ life is the word “suffer.”
I have no answer to what happened to you, or why such events happen in this world, but out of the biblical perspective I have received the challenge to move forward courageously and not get paralyzed in intellectualizing. I am called to live in order to know rather than trying to know in order to live. Reality is deep and slow and mysterious. The Bible and my faith does give me just enough light to move on and to give thanks and to form a basis of hope.

Temptations

Temptations

My two forms of temptation during this time of “crisis” are presumption and despair. I get so frustrated with God that I start to take things into my own hands and the temptation is to explode in a fit of rage towards God. When I abandon God I feel myself spiral into a darkness of anger and hopelessness, not caring about a thing. The other is to give up altogether and dissolve into despair.
My presumptive temptation is to get angry and rebellious toward God. I could see no reason or purpose in what was had happened to you. I have not been far from looking up and shouting, “why did you do this to him, to his mom, to ---, to me, to us??!!!!” “Why?” Other times the temptation to despair is very strong, when I feel like saying, “I quit. I give up. I can’t stand it any longer. Stop the world. I want to get off.”
So far I have not succumbed to either one, I still don’t feel safe yet to say I never will. I suppose that comfort comes in time. So far I can say that I have been given the gift of patience, the gift of enduring and the gift of strength to “walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:31)
I believe God is present, involved in every moment of my pain and suffering. God presence is a mystery, it’s too big for me to understand. I believe God is here giving me inexhaustible energy, helping me from becoming weak and weary. I’m letting God be God. He’s giving me what He’s willed to give and what’s appropriate. God has given me power and has increased my strength.
Well, that is how it is, and here I am this evening, broken hearted, still bearing in my spirit the wounds of darkness. I have no wings with which to fly or even any legs on which to run, BUT by the grace of God, I am still on my feet. I have not fainted yet. I have not exploded in the anger of presumption, nor have I keeled over into the paralysis of despair. All I am doing right now is walking without fainting. Hanging in there. Enduring what I cannot change but have to bear.
It may not sound like much to you, but to me it’s the most appropriate and most needful of all God’s gifts. And who knows, if I am willing to accept his gifts and just hang in there and not cop out, maybe the day will come that you and I can run again and not be weary, and that we may even soar some day, and rise up with wings as angels. But until then – to walk and not faint, that is enough.

Read Isaiah 40:27-31

The Rain

One rainy afternoon I was driving along one of the main streets           
  of town, taking those extra precautions necessary when the                
  roads are wet and slick. Suddenly, my daughter, Aspen ,                   
  spoke up from her relaxed position in her seat. "Dad, I'm                 
  thinking of something."                                                   
  This announcement usually meant she had been pondering some               
  fact for a while, and was now ready to expound all that her               
  six-year-old mind had discovered. I was eager to hear.                    
  "What are you thinking?" I asked.                                         
  "The rain!" she began, "is like sin, and the windshield                   
  wipers are like God wiping our sins away."                                
  After the chill bumps raced up my arms I was able to respond.             
  "That's really good, Aspen."                                              
  Then my curiosity broke in. How far would this little girl take           
  this revelation? So I asked... "Do you notice how the rain                
  keeps on coming? What does that tell you?"                                
  Aspen didn't hesitate one moment with her answer:                         
 "We keep on sinning, and God just keeps on forgiving us."               
 I will always remember this whenever I turn my wipers on.

In order to see the Rainbow, you must first endure some Rain.

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.                  
                                                                        
Happy moments, praise God.                                                
  Difficult moments, seek God..                                             
  Quiet moments, worship God.                                               
  Painful moments, trust God.                                               
  Every moment, thank God.  
    

Let Me Go

One more kiss could be the best thing
But one more lie could be the worst
And all these thoughts are never resting
And you're not something I deserve

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me

You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Let me go

I dream ahead to what I hope for
And I turn my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing
When I know what I'm goin' through

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me

You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
You love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Just let me go
Let me go

And no matter how hard I try
I can't escape these things inside I know
I know
When all the pieces fall apart
You will be the only one who knows
Who knows

You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Just let me go

And you love me but you don't
-Three Doors Down-

Melt With You

I was listening to this song and right from the beginning I was like whoa this reminds me of you - making love to you was never second best

the line that really got me was "I saw the world thrashing all around your face"

this might be morbid (but true), but I thought the line said "I saw the world crashing all around your face" well i know from the death certificate that your skull was crushed and I know ------ wanted your helmet but they strongly advised her to not look at it cuz it was pretty bad. well, even if it is morbid, i do see the world crashing all around your face. i've put myself in that helicopter so many times. what you must have went through. all these questions in my mind. were you scared? what were you thinking? did you suffer? i can only imagine how awful it must have been. it gives me a pit in my stomach, like i'm there.

anyway i don't want to talk about it anymore....but i would stop the world and melt with you, there was nothing you and I wouldn't do. but now it's over and i have to wait. makes me really sad. but i do love you same as always....no love lost....not ever. I love you honey bunny....haven't said this in awhile: and i think you're so hot. :) love always, your baby girl xoxoxoxox

Moving forward using all my breath
Making love to you was never second best
I saw the world thrashing all around your face
Never really knowing it was always mesh and lace

Ill stop the world and melt with you
Youve seen the difference and its getting better all the time
Theres nothing you and I wont do
Ill stop the world and melt with you

(you should know better)
Dream of better lives the kind which never hate
(you should see why)
Dropped in the state of imaginary grace
(you should know better)
I made a pilgrimage to save this humans race
(you should see why)
What Im comprehending a race that long gone bye

(Ill stop the world) Ill stop the world and melt with you
(Ill stop the world) youve seen the difference and its getting better all the time
(lets stop the world) theres nothing you and I wont do
(lets stop the world) Ill stop the world and melt with you

The futures open wide

(lets stop the world) Ill stop the world and melt with you
(lets stop the world) Ive seen some changes but its getting better all the time
(lets stop the world) theres nothing you and I wont do
(lets stop the world) Ill stop the world and melt with you

The futures open wide

Hmmm hmmm hmmm
Hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm
Hmmm hmmm hmmm
Hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm

Ill stop the world and melt with you (lets stop the world)
Youve seen the difference and its getting better all the time (lets stop the world)
Theres nothing you and I wont do (lets stop the world)
Ill stop the world and melt with you (lets stop the world)
Ill stop the world and melt with you (lets stop the world)
Ill stop the world and melt with you (lets stop the world)

Dream-like

row, row, row your boat gently down the stream

merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream

Life is still a haze. I was thinking today how this all feels so unreal. I'm in some sort of fog. So I was thinking this is like a dream and the nursery rhyme popped into my head (see above). It is like a dream. I always think I will die soon and I can look back over this thing we call life and smile because it really was all a dream. Really so meaningless. That is how I view life now. You can fight and struggle and become rich or famous, none of it matters in the end. Why struggle through life trying to get ahead? What's the point. I feel like I'm content to continue in this dream state and not care about anything. Really, why? You lose it all in the end anyway. I could die tomorrow and when I'd look back at my life I'd laugh at myself for trying so hard to 'do this or be that or accomplish this' I see now none of that is important. I don't know what is important anymore, to me it seems like nothing is important. It makes life dull, but I am just putting in my time until I can get to the goal: heaven. It seems like such a waste to be on this earth. Why the hell be here, so you can pay some sort of dues and then die. I just want to speed up this whole process and die soon. That's why I wish I could be an old person so bad. Old and retired. I would have no worries. I just want to sit on some porch and watch life pass me by. I want to watch young people go about their business and think that it matters. I just want to watch, I want to put in my time and be gone. It's hard for me right now to find any meaning in this life or any purpose. I don't really want to be here. Not one bit. Happiness seems like something so distant now. I just want to coast the remainder of my days. I want people to leave me alone. I don't need anyone, I don't want anyone. I don't want to ever get close to anything again, I don't ever want to care again, I don't ever want to lose again. I don't ever want to feel this pain again. Although the pain I have is the pain I have. If anyone else close died to me, I'd just be numb. How can I have more pain than what's already here, it's not possible. 8 people in my life have died this year....have died in less than a year. I have learned that life is sad, hurtful and cruel. Why doesn't God take me. I want it. I want it so bad. I have a feeling he won't take people that want to go. We have to stay here and suffer the whole long drawn out process of this game we call life. Well, sub me out I quit. I don't want to play this damn game anymore. God has taken you, the one man I have waited my whole life for. Why didn't he just have me not meet you. I'd be better off right now. I wouldn't be so numb and hurt. I wouldn't be in all this pain. What was the point of exposing me to such beauty. I will always be let down now in the future. I will always be unimpressed by anyone. Why the hell did he bring the greatest human being in the world to me. No one will ever compare and I will have to live with this disappointment for the rest of my life. Someday I pray to wake up from this dream and be wrapped in your arms. I wish I could be wrapped in your arms right now and you would never, ever let go. Ever. I need to go I can't write anymore, the pain is too much. I love you honey, you have got to see the pain I am going through - it's equivalent to the depth of my love for you.....neverending. My love for you will never stop and until I see you again this pain won't either. Honey, you're the best. If there's anything you can do up there to help ease this pain, even if just for a little while, could you please. I really do have to go, this is too much. I love you honey. Forever. xoxoxox

What Is A Dad?

This would be you if you were placed in those shoes. That's the kind of guy you are and that's why I love you soooooo much. Cool story. Also what else is cool about you is this story is a tear jerker and I know you will shed a tear, that is also why I think you are so amazing and why I love you so much. You are soooo real. I love you honey, you are the best! :) xoxoxox

http://www.whoisthemonkey.com/videos/42/worlds-strongest-dad

Hard Time

I have such a hard time now acknowledging you.....stupid, i know. I shove you so far back in my mind that you don't exist for me all day, everyday. If I even think of you, I shake my head and tell myself to shut up. It hurts sooooo much, I'm starting to cry now. I hate this. I wish this NEVER would have happened. I hate my life without you now, I absolutely can't stand it. I look at your ak-47 and think how ez it would be to end all this pain and misery. As I've said before i would never do that, but oh how i want to. I would never make it to Heaven if i did that. I can't take that chance. If I think it's bad now, I can only imagine the hell I'd be in if I committed suicide. I just want to be back together so bad. So, so bad. This is killing me honey. Winter is so hard. I keep waiting for your call as it gets dark cuz I know you're done flying. I keep thinking your gone for 2 weeks and I'll get to see you. I keep thinking I'll be driving up to --- to see you soon. I think of you, I think of you, I think of you and you never go away. This brings more memories than the summer and it's not cuz I'm not working and my minds not occupied. It's because this is the main time we spent together, winters is when we made our most memories. This is awful. I hate my life without you. It feels so empty and meaningless. I just wish I could push a fast fwd button and be months, weeks or days away from death. I need you. I read one of your emails the other day and it just killed me. It said "as i sit here with tears in my eyes thinking of you...I would die if you ever left me, I NEEED you in my life" You wrote that to me and look now, I am in that boat. Honey, I NEED you in my life. Going on without you is horrible. I hate it. I don't know what to do. It hurts so bad and I'm so tired of hurting, I'm so tired of the excrutiating pit and pain in my gut whenever you come to mind, I'm so tired of crying everytime I think of you or look at your picture. I'm so lonely. Not lonely for anyone or anybody, just you. I am lonely because you have left this huge void in my life. No one can fill it. No one. I get so tired of the pain, that is why i keep shoving you back and back and back. I don't want any more pain. So I'm sorry I haven't emailed you as much or thought about you as much or looked at your picture as much. It's too painful....I just want it all to go away. I want you back in my life so bad. I miss what we had - God, I miss it so much. It's not fair. I hurt.....

bad.

I love you honey, more than anything in this world. I can't stop crying, I need to go. I want you back....please, I'd give anything, even my own life. Luv you forever, xoxoxoxox, your baby girl.

"He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

I LOVE U

Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what
this statement meant about the character and nature of God.

One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and
get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to
watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her
interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire
and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to
hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest
as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she
thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and
purifier of silver.” She asked the silversmith if it was true that he
had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was
being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there
holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire
time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the
flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How
do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at her and
answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it"


If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has his
eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.

This very moment, someone needs to know that God is watching over them
and that He will not leave them in the flame one moment longer than
necessary to see His image.


And, whatever you're going through, if you find gratitude for His Master
Plan you will grow spiritually and become more like JESUS!

Pray

I pray so hard you are looking out for me. Well, I'm pretty sure you are, but nothing is certain. Please look out for me honey. I want everything to be ok. Someday I hope you will come to me and tell me it will be ok. I love you always and forever!! Your Baby Girl xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Emails

I found these randomly floating around...in your inbox on your computer. Don't know if I had them saved on my computer or not. Either way they made me think of how much we loved each other. I love you honey bunny, and that's forever!
The first two were from you to me and the last three were from me to you. Remember those good ol' days hon? Damn, I miss that love we shared....hurts to be reminded of what we had and how you are no longer here. :(

Sat, 1 Oct 2005 1:02 PM
Subject: Re: I love and care for you and miss you! xoxoxo

---- I LUV U SO MUCH ^CANT WAIT TO TALK WITH YOU BABY GIRL

Sent: Sat, 1 Oct 2005 1:07 PM
Subject: Re: Fwd: True Friends]

 AS I SIT HERE IN THE PICKUP WRITING THIS TO YOU WITH TEARS IN MY EYES I WANT
YOU TO KNOW THAT I NEEEEED YOU IN MY LIFE AND I TOO WOULD DIE IF YOU EVER WALKED
AWAY I LUV YOU SO MUCH!!!!!

Sent: Thu, 23 Feb 2006 1:34 PM
Subject: Happy Birthday

I care for you so much. I only want the best for you because you deserve the best. You are the most amazing person I've ever met. Everyday I continue to thank God for bringing you into my life. I really, really miss you and I wish I could spend your birthday with you. You are special, stay sweet. Happy birthday and I love you.

Sent: Sun, 26 Feb 2006 10:33 AM
Subject: Re: MIS U !!!

u are sooooooooooo beautiful. yes, we are lucky to have found each other. you are lucky you talked to me and i am lucky i listened and talked back. so lucky. i'm thankful u are one of those people who just goes up to anybody and talks! u r so special to me, my life would be so empty without you. i wish i could just travel with you everywhere u went all year long. i want to be with you all the time! i am so looking forward to when u come home. there will be lots of HTL and P'ing (huggin, touchin, lovin and pleasin) :)

Sent: Thu, 2 Mar 2006 12:10 PM
Subject: hi honey

hey hon, i hope you had a good drive home. the weather is beautiful, a good day for driving. isn't it lovely that only miles from ------ there is little to no snow. i can't wait for all this snow to melt off! thank you so much for staying with me, you don't even know how much it means to me. i wish we could spend more time together, but i know you are busy and other people demand your time. someday we will be able to be together all the time. :) thanks again so much for visiting me....i love you so much. i am so lucky to be with such a beautiful man. you make me smile! have a good, productive day. i can't wait to see you again! love you so, so much, your baby girl.

Nov. 17th

Just wanted to sadly say it's been 8 months since you've died. I couldn't bring myself to write you a letter today....the mood just wasn't right to give you the justice you deserve, but I will have one for you shortly. I have been composing a nice long journal of sorts to add to the rest of my writings, but it's too impersonal to count as a letter. I miss you horribly honey. I miss you so much and I feel so empty. Life without you is so lonely. I miss my shining star, my angel from above. I love you honey. I wish I could see you, I'd give anything to have one last moment with you, just to touch you and feel you next to me. Just for a moment of comfort, safety and piece of mind that only you could bring me. I miss you baby, Love you for the rest of my life, your baby girl. oxox

Running Around In Circles

That is my mind, running around in circles. Some days are just too hard. I miss you so, so much. I'm soo lonely. This makes me so sad. I'm so tired of this. I want you back in my life so bad. It's unbearable at times. I just want to fall asleep and never wake up. This sucks A LOT! I MISS U. I'll say it, I hate God for taking you from me. I hate life without you. It's empty.